The Magnificent 7: Who the hell parties in Reigate? Plus Antoine, it’s not 1917.

The Magnificent 7

#1 Jason Puncheon

The Crystal Palace man has fallen somewhat out of favour with Roy Hodgson, something that has weirdly coincided with Palace hitting a run of form that has taken them out of the Premier League relegation zone. The best way to react and get back in the gaffer’s good books? Get arrested in Reigate, of all places, and get charged with assault and possession of a weapon. I mean come on, what self-respecting footballer goes for a night out in Reigate?

#2 Antoine Griezmann

Hey Antoine! It’s 2017, not 1917 mate. It doesn’t really matter if you are a big fan of the Harlem Globetrotters, going as one of them to your Christmas bash was never going to end well. Seriously, who advises these people?

#3 Mo Salah

The Chelsea reject has made quite an impressive start to life at Liverpool. He is now the fastest Liverpool striker (not just when running) to 20 league goals by doing it in 26 games. That’s quicker than the likes of Robbie Fowler, Ian Rush, Michael Owen and, believe it or not, Emile Heskey.

#4 Paul Clement

Most men of Paul Clement’s age dream of being able to have some extra time off at Christmas and it looks like Clement is going to be living their dream at this rate. Having seen the only man capable of scoring enough goals to save Swansea limp off after three minutes (and yes, if your hopes are pinned to Wilfried Bony you are, by default, screwed) he might have thought his team could buy him a stay of execution as they led 1-0. Sadly not, as Everton turned it all around splendidly to win 3-1 and leave Clem clinging to his job by a thread.

#5 Manchester City

No, not for continuing to kill any hope any of us had for an actual title-race this season but for their continued trolling of Jose Mourinho. After the “Special One” got his knickers in a twist over people daring celebrate a victory against him, the City players continued their love of a good old sing-song post-match by warbling a little ditty about “parking the bus”. Well played boys, well played.

#6 Romelu Lukaku

He likes a party does Big Rom, especially after he managed to get his long-awaited move away from Everton and convince a club as big as Manchester United that his first touch was good enough to lead the club to second place in the Premier League. Lukaku was arrested for making too much noise repeatedly in his LA mansion over the summer, where he was spending the summer “resting” before unleashing himself on United’s very own defence when clearing set-pieces. Lukaku has apologised and reimbursed the LAPD for their time, which came to a not-so-staggering $400. Money well spent I’d imagine.

#7 Wilfred Ndidi

“Oh no he Ndidi’nt!” claimed the Leicester players but I am afraid, “Oh yes he Ndid!” was the truth. Wilfred Ndidi completed the worst dive of 2017 leaving his Leicester team-mates down to ten men against a rampant Crystal Palace side who ran out 3-0 winners and got themselves off the foot of the table once again.