Tales Top Tips

Tottenham Hotspur vs Southampton

Harry my dear boy, that thing in front of you is the stage being very much set for you to break Alan Shearer’s record. Don’t leave it so people have to say “yeah but, Harry did it in fewer games so”, go and score at least one today so you hold the record in your own hands. In fact, get a couple so you can beat the Messi chap as well. Tottenham look like they may have got back on the form horse after a bad little run through late November and December, or they’ve noticed how badly Real Madrid are this season and accepted that beating them wasn’t that big an achievement after all and got their egos back in check. Southampton are having the kind of season that will remind many of you about Christmas Day in general. Going through the motions, not really enjoying it, regretting the decisions of earlier in the year and hoping it will all be over soon as there isn’t going to anything decent coming your way.

Tottenham Hotspur 3 – 0 Southampton (Kane to score at least one if it kills him)

AFC Bournemouth vs West Ham United

Woohoo! A Christmas relegation battle. Bournemouth have slipped quicker than a super slim Santa coming down the chimney and West Ham’s revival came to a shuddering halt at home to Newcastle a few days back. I would imagine both teams will have a look at how they can win then realise it is far safer to accept a draw and then realise once more that neither team really has the defensive ability to do that meaning some kind of gaffe will gift three points to one of them. I can see West Ham winning games between now and the end of the season, so I would say this is a much bigger match for Eddie Howe’s lot – an absolute must win or they might look at the last week as the horror week that started the relegation march.

AFC Bournemouth 0 – 1 West Ham United

Chelsea vs Brighton & Hove Albion

Third-placed Chelsea. I can’t work them out this season, it just isn’t happening for Antonio Conte’s men. Brighton have been good value so far and if they can get through to the FA Cup 3rd Round weekend relatively unscathed they will be confident of staying up. This game excites me less than Christmas socks from Nan.

Chelsea 2 – 0 Brighton & Hove Albion

Huddersfield Town vs Stoke City

You just know Stoke are going to screw it up again, right? They were very good against West Brom to save Sparky’s job, but now that pressure is off again temporarily I can see Huddersfield putting three past them. Like Brighton, the Terriers will be delighted with how the first half of the season has gone and no doubt Wagner has been on the phone to Jurgen looking for that approval he needs.

Huddersfield Town 3 – 1 Stoke City

Manchester United vs Burnley

I don’t know why, but I cannot imagine Jose is much fun at Christmas when he is not top of the league and his arch-nemesis has a 13 point lead, or whatever it is. I’d have avoided lunch with him for sure. Sean Dyche however, I bet he is a right laugh and carves the turkey himself. I’d love to see Dyche laughing a bit more at the end of this, but the best I can see Burnley getting is a point. Sadly, I think their little run is over and will do well to finish in the top ten.

Manchester United 1 – 0 Burnley

Watford vs Leicester City

Hey Marco Silva, remember when you were thought to be the best manager in town? What happened? Watford happened, that’s what. Leicester City were really good against United, rolling back the clock at least two years to when they did something quite special. Can they do it again against Watford? Hell yeah.

Watford 0 – 2 Leicester City

West Bromwich Albion vs Everton

Hahahahaha, Alan Pardew. Here’s a manager with that leash in his hand and he has no idea what he is actually doing with it. WBA have been terrible since Pardew arrived whereas Everton suddenly look like a side that has a bit of a plan since Big Sam rolled up. It may not be the prettiest plan in the world, but it is a plan nonetheless. This has to be a game that Allardyce fancies winning, therefore he might allow two, or even three, players move out of their own half to join Calvert-Lewin in attack.

West Bromwich Albion 0 – 1 Everton

Liverpool vs Swansea City

I love it when clubs sack a man saying that they expect to make a quick appointment and then the caretaker ends up in charge for a bit longer than they anticipated. Did Swansea really think Frank de Boer was going to cancel his Christmas plans to get involved in this? Of course not, he’ll wait until the New Year. Leave it with Leon, it can’t get much worse. King Klopp knows his team can score lots of goals and probably knows that Swansea can’t score goals so he might be in for a fairly stress-free evening for once.

Liverpool 4 – 0 Swansea City