A brumour is a breaking transfer rumour and may not actually be true in any way, shape or form

Finally, we know the real reason why Romelu Lukaku left Everton for Manchester United and not Chelsea, like the big Belgian actually wanted. According to Farhad Moshiri, Everton’s very rich shareholder, Romelu was keen to head back to Stamford Bridge because of voodoo. Yes, yes you read that right. a £75m move might have taken place because of a little doll and some pins in it. Moshiri claims that after Everton offered him more than he would have got at Chelsea but Lukaku was on a religious pilgrimage where a voodoo doctor persuaded him that he had to go to Chelsea. Let’s ignore the fact that he ended up at Old Trafford because they paid more money for a second and applaud Moshiri’s entry to the “batty owners club” where he takes his seat alongside the Dildo brothers and Stan Kroenke.

Historically, we know people from Liverpool like a bit of a scam. It’s in their blood. What they don’t need is their Mayor calling for an investigation into fraud over their transfers. Joe Anderson, Mayor of Liverpool and lifelong Toffee, has demanded an inquiry into how Ross Barkley was allowed to be sold for £20m fewer months after Everton and Chelsea had agreed a deal in the summer. Here’s a thought, Joe. Maybe Chelsea didn’t want to pay £35m for a player who was going to be out injured until January, knowing his contract was going to be six months away for ending and they could get him cheaper in January when he might actually be fit to play? Keep the politicians away folks.

Will someone please give Lee Johnson a job in the Premier League if he fails to get Bristol City up this season? Having knocked Manchester United out in the previous round, City went to Manchester City and gave them an actual game of football in their backyard. Pep’s men needed an injury-time winner from Sergio Aguero to save them, but Bristol take an away goal back to Ashton Gate. Of course, they will get battered down there, but Johnson is one of the brightest young English managers around. Give him a go, please.

Some actual transfer news now. Tottenham have loaned out one of their many attacking wide men to Burnley. Georges-Kévin Nkoudou is off to Turf Moor to get a game and Sean Dyche is only too pleased to have him. Other African internationals likely to move in January in search of getting a game are Kelechi Iheanacho and Ahmed Musa who are now so far down the pecking order at Leicester even Rebekah Vardy is more likely to get a game. This, of course, is according to the man who really knows – their international manager, Nigeria boss Gernot Rohr. The thinly veiled message here is “move or don’t go to the World Cup”.

The Austrian right-back Moritz Bauer has moved from Rubin Kazan to managerless Stoke City for an undisclosed fee. Peter Crouch, no doubt always the joker, has probably nicknamed him Jack already.

Everton’s Oumar Niasse has ended up lumbered with another manager who doesn’t rate him. Big Sam Allardyce is trying to flog him to anyone, and Crystal Palace is a likely destination.

Do you think we could wrap the whole Alexis Sanchez saga up this month please, ideally by the weekend? Manchester City are thought to have started it all again with an opening offer of £20m and £250k a week for the sulky Chilean. Arsenal’s response will be to pick him tonight against Chelsea. If Sanchez does leave this time, Arsenal might be in danger of making the kind of signing they used to make – picking up a massively talented player that not many know about. Cristian Pavon of Boca Juniors is believed to be vying with AS Monaco’s Thomas Lemar to be the replacement. Francis Coquelin is not going to be the new Patrick Vieira after four years of trying and will be sold. Once again, Palace will be happy to take on any Premier League cast-offs at a knockdown price.