Tales Top Tips

Well hello there midweek Premier League action. What do you have in store for us this time?

Swansea City vs Arsenal

Logic suggests Arsenal should win this game handsomely, now they are free of that dressing room cancer that was Alexis Sanchez. But football is never that simple. Arsenal have had their one glorious shackle-free 20 minutes against Palace since Alexis hot-footed it to a bigger pay packet. Arsenal haven’t been great away from home this season at all, worse than they have been at home in fact and Swansea are showing a touch of that there resilience and character thing they need to stay up.

Swansea City 1 – 1 Arsenal

West Ham United vs Crystal Palace

David Moyes was quick to hammer Arthur Masuaku for his spitting offence against Wigan while being secretly grateful that the Hammers had a convenient excuse and distraction for being knocked out of the cup by a League One side. Moyes used every negative descriptive word he could think of to call out Arthur in public – though he probably just used the ones thrown at him after he threatened a female reporter last season. You wouldn’t catch Roy getting involved in any of that, oh no. Mr Dignified wants Palace to pick themselves up after Arsenal crowbarred a month of performance into 20 minutes at the Emirates.

West Ham United 1 – 2 Crystal Palace

Huddersfield Town vs Liverpool

Look, we know David Wagner and Jurgen Klopp are mates, alright? We don’t need reminding anymore, this story is done. What better team for Kloppo to be playing after back-to-back hilarious defeats though? A bit like Sir Alex had a few managers out there who didn’t mind losing to help Sir Alex on his way, we can only imagine Wagner is Kloppo’s Steve Bruce. Liverpool need a win, badly. The problem is, you wouldn’t bet on them.

Huddersfield Town 0 – 4 Liverpool

Chelsea vs AFC Bournemouth

Chelsea are, allegedly, in a right old state at the moment what with their slightly erratic transfer policy. However, tell me the last time they lost? Exactly. AFC Bournemouth are the kind of team Conte loves to grind down and grind them down he shall even if he has to pick Michy Batshuayi. Rather than making Michy feel a little inadequate Antonio, have you noticed how Pedro’s form has fallen off a cliff?

Chelsea 3 – 0 AFC Bournemouth

Everton vs Leicester City

I think we can all agree that Leicester City are going to put their eggs in the FA Cup basket from now. Claude likes a trip to Wembley and he would hope to get there again this season and keep his job, which would be nice for him. Everton have gone from looking watertight to springing one hell of a leak. I don’t really care what happens here other than Oumar Niasse scoring yet again, proving all attempts to call him a dud futile.

Everton 1 Р1 Leicester City 

Newcastle United vs Burnley

Yawn. Burnley need a win to turn their form around and Newcastle need about six players to avoid going down. Neither are likely to happen here.

Newcastle United 1 – 1 Burnley

Southampton vs Brighton & Hove Albion

Two more teams needing three points to move away from the trapdoor. Mauricio Pellegrino’s job seems to be constantly talked about, mainly because everyone else who might have got sacked has now been sacked. Chris Hughton has brought in Leicester’s Leonardo Ulloa to sort things out. Glenn Murray reckons he’s a bit of a fraud.

Southampton 0 – 0 Brighton & Hove Albion

Manchester City vs West Bromwich Albion

“Stop kicking my players” shouted Pep, probably. The problem is Pep old boy, people are running out of ways to stop you, especially when they are not very good. Now, using my under 10 logic, Liverpool beat Manchester City but WBA beat Liverpool which means Alan Pardew is going to beat Pep. Jesus.

Manchester City 4 – 6 West Bromwich Albion

Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester United

We all know the “lads, it’s Tottenham” stuff from years gone by. That doesn’t really count anymore. This Spurs team has the bottle to fight back from a goal down against a League Two side. Or maybe they just wanted to give Newport a nice day out at Wembley? Manchester United’s new number 7 will no doubt be making his Premier League debut in a United shirt. I’m sure the Spurs fans will be generous in their welcome.

Tottenham Hotspur 1 – 1 Manchester United

Stoke City vs Watford

Stoke City feel rejuvenated since Paul Lambert won the raffle to become the new manager. Javi Gracia must know what Watford is like, right? You’d hope so. He seems to be a man of morals, who is loyal and expects loyalty. I think he needs to sack his agent.

Stoke City 2 – 0 Watford