West Ham United

After forking out £2.5 million a year on stadium fees, West Ham United will be disappointed to see the rise in public liability insurance premiums due to signing ex-Marseille player Patrice Evra. In his last role at Marseille, Patrice proved himself to be a liability to the public.

It seems David Moyes has definitely found a way to silence any would-be booers among the West Ham fans as it would surely end in another karate kick to the head.

West Ham had to fight off fierce competition from Everton and The Ultimate Fighting Championship to secure their man.

The board will be glad to have someone on board more controversial than Tony Henry to take the heat off that situation.

Due to the poor form of late, the atmosphere within the London Stadium has taken a turn for the worse, with fans becoming upset with the players’ performance. However, there will certainly be an upturn in the atmosphere with Carl Douglas’ Kung Fu Fighting blasting through the speakers.

In all seriousness, however, West Ham will be hoping this latest signing will breathe some life into a team that looks more tired and decrepit than David Moyes’ face.


Alexis Sanchez has decided that the only way to prove his innocence over the unpaid tax scandal is to plead guilty to not paying his taxes. One nation hasn’t managed to screw these many rich people since the French revolution.

The Dispute between Mahrez and Leicester continues, the PFA have stated they are willing to mediate in the forthcoming, although with them being the Professional Footballers Association, there is a small inkling as to why some people feel they may be a little bit biased towards Mahrez. In unrelated news, I’ll be getting my mum to come into work and mediate with me tomorrow as I’ve had a disagreement with my boss and need an objective opinion.

Some people will argue that as Mahrez signed a contract to play for Leicester, and nobody has bought him out of that contract, and Leicester pay his wages and have done for the past years, and if it wasn’t for Leicester he’d be playing in a low-level french league, he owes it to Leicester to either see out his contract or wait until he’s sold. Oh, wait, that’s what all people are saying because that’s exactly the point.

Instead, Mahrez has placed himself on a self-imposed exile, threatening to tarnish his reputation as one of Leicester’s greats. If he doesn’t sort himself out soon he’ll become as hated and loathed as shower gel is in Burnley.