Has he been sacked yet? No, not Pardew. Arsene! Surely it’s time for him to go now and no, you are not reading a column from 2010 by mistake.
Anyway, assuming he is still in post (let’s be honest, the Queen will go first) we shall crack on with our look at the weekend fixtures.
Burnley vs Everton
Yikes, that’s a 12:30 nobody will want to watch miss. Mind you, with the current weather at least the grass won’t get too damaged with the ball being in the air most of the time. I genuinely have little I can say about this one other than it will be old school.
Burnley 1 – 1 Everton
Leicester City vs AFC Bournemouth
Leicester City are one of the few teams outside of the top six not worried about relegation. Bournemouth are nearly there. There’s not a lot of humour in this one either to be fair. We are getting to that stage of the season, folks.
Leicester City 1 – 1 AFC Bournemouth
Southampton vs Stoke City
We can assume Jack Butland will be in slightly finer fettle than last week, meaning Stoke do have a chance down on the South Coast. Both teams are desperate for the points, obviously, but something tells me Stoke probably have just that little bit more in the tank. Which, of course, guarantees the red and white stripes that will be smiling belong to Southampton.
Southampton 0 – 2 Stoke City
Tottenham Hotspur vs Huddersfield Town
Having finally found a way past those pesky boys from Rochdale, Spurs will be hoping to ease past Huddersfield before tucking into Juventus. Fernando Llorente is likely to be rewarded with the bench, following his hat-trick as Harry Kane will regain the throne. Huddersfield would love to come away with a point to help their survival bid but, realistically, the best they can hope for is that Spurs ease off with the Italians in mind.
Tottenham 3 – 1 Huddersfield Town
Swansea City vs West Ham United
Swansea City cannot be that bad two weeks running, can they? If they are, we might see another side to Carlos. West Ham United are perfectly capable of being that bad again, after their 4-1 thrashing at Anfield. Another defeat for the Hammers really sucks them back into the relegation quicksand, so you can probably guess the result I am hoping for.
Swansea City 1 – 0 West Ham United
Watford vs West Bromwich Albion
The single thing that makes me even a little bit interested in this game is that it could well be Alan Pardew’s last game in charge. Therefore, come on Watford!
Watford 2 – 0 West Bromwich Albion
Liverpool vs Newcastle United
It doesn’t quite feel right, an ex-Liverpool legend going back to Anfield and getting absolutely smashed. But, enough about Jonjo Shelvey – I am sure Rafa has a plan.
Liverpool 3 – 0 Newcastle United
Brighton & Hove Albion vs Arsenal
You could see Glenn Murray getting three here, you really could. Arsenal seem to struggle against a bit of strength up front or a bit of pace up front so Brighton could well cash in. That said, this is the perfect game for Arsenal to show their true mental strength. I don’t know if they will, though.
Brighton & Hove Albion 1 – 0 Arsenal
Manchester City vs Chelsea
Finally, a relatively big game. How many more matches until City are champions? I’d suspect Conte is thinking more about Barcelona than he is about Manchester City, meaning Pep is going to get a gimmee here.
Manchester City 3 – 0 Chelsea
Crystal Palace vs Manchester United
This is a fixture that should always be an evening game. It should also always be a Palace win. Roy has been forgiven in my eyes, so let him stay in the Premier League.
Crystal Palace 1 – 0 Manchester United