Pan the Pundits

Another week and another Pan The Pundits and we opened this week with North London Red getting an absolute booting by Man City on Thursday night. Yawn. Gary was joined this week by, probably, the best punditry duo he could have in Danny Murphy and Ian Wright.

We began at Swansea where the Welsh side were looking to bounce back from being beaten by a glorified Championship side. They were hosting West Ham, a club so inept that they sold Andre Ayew back to Swansea in January when both sides were battling relegation. That definitely won’t haunt them…

I said on our sister site’s ( podcast this week that West Ham were pretty abject at the back and this proved me completely right. West Ham have so few fit centre backs at this point that this game seriously reminded me of that time Chelsea played Michael Essien and Paulo Ferreira at centre half at Anfield in 2007. On a positive note, myself, Bob and Dean celebrated Mike of the Horn’s goal like our very own child had scored. Shoutout to Patrice Evra who, on the first goal, looked at the ball nestle in the corner (which should have been saved) and visibly thought, “I kicked a f**king Marseille fan for this”.

We then went to Anfield where my club were going very, very well. It was all smiles in the opposition dugout too as Rafa Benitez was here. Newcastle were too but we couldn’t care about that. It was all lovely but what ruined it was Mr. Robot Wars on commentary. The man doesn’t half talk some amount of pish.

The only way this stroll could be more leisurely was if the boys got their dogs out and were walking on a cloud. The most notable thing from this game was Alberto Moreno sitting on the bench by himself just shouting for things. At this point, he’s just a talented Jose Enrique. Also, Sadio Mane should probably stop his Bolo Zenden routine at this point.

It was to Wembley, something I don’t get to say often on PtP, as Spurs hosted Huddersfield. Much like the game before, Spurs are going quite good despite having to play fifteen FA Cup replays this season. Huddersfield are upwardly mobile. Ish.

Another stroll this one. The only thing of real note was referee Mike Jones stopping some guy from the crowd being fourth official by grabbing a chair. He looked like the permanently injured kid in PE, forced to sit and watch while everyone else has fun. Anyway, Son scored twice prompting every banter account to tweet something like “Kid: Dad, what’s the Spurs score?/Father: 2-0 Son”. I hate the Internet.

It was time to travel with West Brom, a team that do deserve every kicking they get at this point. They went to Watford, who are still in mid-table. The Baggies are well on their way to getting one of those ‘banter era’ threads with the way their season is panning out. Looking forward to that.

Well, West Brom are f**ked. Only West Brom could concede a goal where they run into each other then let Troy f**king Deeney run clear. Let that sink in. Troy Deeney, a man more concerned with fighting defenders than doing any form of exercise, ran clear.

Want a hilarious stat about how terrible the other 14 clubs in the Premier League have been this season? Burnley hadn’t won since December but had only dropped one place. They were hosting Everton who are truly awful and are still somehow in ninth. I hate this league sometimes.

This might just be my favourite match on this MotD. Not only did Everton bottle a lead but they were hilariously inept at the back even with their golden boy Michael Keane back. Ashley Williams is doing his best Joleon Lescott at Aston Villa impression by getting himself sent off for a flailing arm. Is anyone other than Gylfi Sigurdsson even arsed?

Special mention to Ian Wright saying the word “headerers”.

To Leicester next where they hosted Bournemouth in one of those late season mid-table games you hope goes mental. Considering its position on the running order, I didn’t hold out any hope.

Nothing much of note here other than Riyad Mahrez’s SmartPrice version of that Gary Mac free kick in the Merseyside Derby. It was OK. Still prefer the elderly Scot though.

We finished at Southampton who were hosting Stoke. This finished 0-0 and made me lose the will to live. Immediate relegation for both of them for this shit show.

So, what did we learn this week? Well, the good teams are strolling, Ian Wright uses imaginary words, Gary McAllister is better than Riyad Mahrez and keep note of today because Troy Deeney ran.