North London Dread

About four years ago Arsenal made an audacious attempt to sign Luis Suarez from Liverpool for an insulting £40,000,001. It prompted an infamous tweet from Liverpool John W. Henry which simply, but suitably, said, “what do you think they’re smoking over there at The Emirates?” Well, Henry’s tweet rings true as much now as it did back in July 2013 when Liverpool (probably illegally) turned down the bid which would have triggered Suarez’s release clause. The North London Red manager last week put the masses of empty seats at The Emirates down to the poor weather. Yeah, had nothing to do with your sides abject display in the Carabao Cup final against Manchester City, the same team you were playing on that cold night and would go on to get annihilated by AGAIN. Then, following their embarrassing 2-1 defeat against Brighton on Sunday, Arsene Wenger claimed he was still the man to turn it around. I don’t want to disrespect one of the great managers of English football but you’re starting to lose it, Arsene lad! You have now spent more of your reign in decline that you have done building Arsenal up. It’s time to go mate, plain and simple.

Sam’s cunning plan

A lot of people, including myself, have derided Sam Allardyce since he took up the hotseat at the Ev. The initial effect was exactly what was desired but he has now only picked up seven points from his nine games in charge. He has wound up his own fans to the point where they hate him and not managed to solve the issues on the pitch that were left behind by the last regime. Everyone has questioned his motives behind taking the Everton job. Did he really think he could do something noteworthy at Goodison Park? Was he out to prove that he wasn’t just a relegation firefighter? Was the £9 million too good to turn down, especially considering he had already turned them down before eventually taking the job? I have my own theory. A lot of people forget why Big Sam left Crystal Palace at the end of last season – because he retired from football. Yes, he’d had enough, didn’t want to know anymore, was looking forward to expanding his collection of gravy from around the world. But then Everton come along and won’t leave him alone. So what does he do? He takes the job with the sole intention of never being invited back into football again at the end of it, and picking up a lovely little payday before he rides off into the sunset on his worldwide gravy tour. I see you Sam, you don’t fool me you fat fuck.

Being made a Cont of

Has anyone ever had a worse Sunday in the history of mankind than Antonio Conte this weekend? Firstly, he woke up to the tragic news that Davide Astori, a player he coached for the Italian national team, had passed away in his sleep the night before. This will obviously have affected him hugely and played on his mind all day. How is a man supposed to go about his job with that on his mind? Then, he had to suffer the humiliation of his team’s performance at The Etihad. Chelsea were beaten 1-0 by Manchester City but they deserved to have conceded a lot more. Conte has taken a lot of stick this season and rightly so given how he sets his team up. The tactics were all wrong for this game, but the lack of professionalism and the disgusting attitude from his players says a lot more about them than it does about him. Listen Antonio lad, they don’t give a shit about you so time to hang them out to dry.