Tales Top Tips

It’s back baby, it’s back. And that international break felt even longer than normal. I’ve been gagging to write something Premier League related and it’s back to me giving you some tips which really, really are not top in the slightest.

Crystal Palace vs Liverpool

Roy Hodgson’s men get us underway this weekend and all roads point to Christian Benteke putting his scoring boots on the right feet and scoring the winning goal against his former club. Either that or Liverpool will batter Palace into submission. I’d actually be happy either way, I quite like both teams. Mohamed Salah scored when away with Egypt, a goal that annoyed Cristiano Ronaldo so much he felt he needed to score two himself otherwise people might start suggesting Mo is a better striker.

Crystal Palace 2 – 2 Liverpool

Brighton & Hove Albion vs Leicester City

Blimey, you know what? I don’t know and I am finding myself care even less. Leicester City are safe, but Mahrez might keep trying as he wants to play well enough to get linked to another move before remaining at the King Power next season. Jamie Vardy might hope that some more goals will see him get into the England side for the summer. Harry Maguire likes the idea of an English back three as that is one more space for him to fill. Brighton? Well they don’t want to go down, do they? So they will be trying too. Draw!

Brighton & Hove Albion 1 – 1 Leicester City

Manchester United vs Swansea City

Would you rather have Jose Mourinho do a 12-minute monologue at a press conference or Carlos Carvalhal? Sadly, you got neither this weekend. The most controversial thing Jose said was that he hadn’t talked to Didier Deschamp in years. But what about Pogba? Surely you were on the phone to find out if he was behaving himself? United are not certain of a top-four place, but neither are they certain of beating Swansea City at home. The Swans need points, like pretty much every other club not in the top nine.

Manchester United 1 – 0 Swansea City

Newcastle United vs Huddersfield Town

What? Another relegation 6-pointer? I can’t predict this one, so I shall not. Oh, I have to.

Newcastle United 1 – 0 Huddersfield Town

Watford vs AFC Bournemouth

Javi Gracia hasn’t made things much better at Watford but neither have they got much worse. Both teams are probably a couple of wins from complete safety, maybe even a win and a draw. Eddie Howe’s side are as unpredictable as Watford, but I would suggest that if you had to choose one to win that it might be the Cherries.

Watford 1 – 3 AFC Bournemouth

West Bromwich Albion vs Burnley

Hang on, it says here that Alan Pardew is still in employment. Is that right? It must cost a lot of money to sack him before he takes them down. No wonder the current Chief Executive was “shocked” at the state of the finances. WBA need snookers already, ten points needing to be made up in just seven games, and I can’t see them believing they can do it. Burnley must be aiming to catch Arsenal as that would be hilarious.

West Bromwich Albion 0 – 2 Burnley

West Ham United vs Southampton

Uh-oh. The Hammers are at home. That could spell a bit of trouble. Especially if a side as bad as Southampton take the lead. This is going to be Mark Hughes’ first Premier League match as the new Saints manager, no? Will they bounce or continue to sink? Playing Wigan in the cup is one thing, but a trip to the Athletics Stadium – ah, yeah. Fair point.

West Ham United 1 – 2 Southampton

Everton vs Manchester City

Ha. Do you even need to ask? Once upon a time, Sham Allarfarce was considered ‘forward thinking’. What a time to be alive that was. I am not sure if a planet exists where Everton get anything out of this game. Maybe all of City’s internationals might have come back very tired? Nope, can’t see even that doing it.

Everton 0 – 3 Manchester City

Arsenal vs Stoke City

This game used to have a bit in it. Not anymore. Paul Lambert seems decent and all that, but he is in the business of picking up points and he is not very good at his business. Mind you, he is hardly playing the invincibles. Even so, I can see Arsenal coasting here. And I don’t mean just coasting like normal and losing, I mean coasting to victory.

Arsenal 3 – 0 Stoke City

Chelsea vs Tottenham Hotspur

Finally! A decent game! Antonio Conte could well be off to Paris Saint-Germain in the summer, a job that Poch will no doubt do at some point as well. However, both have Champions League qualification on their mind and there is even cheap talk that Harry Kane might be available for the trip to Stamford Bridge. But what about England? Don’t rush him back! With my mind starting to move towards the World Cup, if Eric Dier could do a job on Eden Hazard as well, that would be marvellous.

Chelsea 2 – 2 Tottenham Hotspur