Pep wants “the perfect game” as Jurgen comes up with a cunning plan…

48 hours after losing the Manchester derby, the chance to win the Premier League, his psychological hold over Jose Mourinho, his secret pact with Paul Pogba and what hair he has left, Pep Guardiola has asked his players for just a little thing in tonight’s Champions League 2nd leg against Liverpool. It’s not a big ask, really. Pep wants his players to play the “perfect game”. Well, in fairness that is the only thing that is going to mean City can progress against a Liverpool side already three goals to the good. But, what is a perfect game? This has come from the Catalan who says he is “so happy” with how City played against United. It sounds to me like Pep might be cracking a little under the pressure of only having another six matches to close out the Premier League title.

Ander Herrera, having visibly spat on the Manchester City crest on Saturday, has said that he “did not mean to spit on the crest of Manchester City” on Saturday. I would have rather that he had meant to do it as that would show proper disdain for the noisy neighbours. I mean, spit on it? Gary Neville has taken a dump on it. Actually, Gary has bigger lawyers than I do. Gary Neville has most certainly not taken a dump on the crest of Manchester City.

Manchester United have also told us that someone threw a coin at Jose Mourinho after the match. Move along though, there is nothing to see here. Jose made a bet with a ten-year-old that United would still win after they went 2-0 down and he held the schoolboy to the £1 stake.

Apparently, and I am still checking that it is not April 1st, another United midfielder might be joining Paul Pogba by the exit door in the summer. (I know Pogz isn’t really leaving, and certainly not to City as he has decided blue hair doesn’t suit him). Marouane Fellaini has a very high profile fan and that fan is prepared to lure him over the divide that has not been breached since the 1960s. Yes, Jurgen Klopp wants Fellaini at Anfield. I am confused. At what point, when watching Liverpool in full flow, do you stop and think, “I tell you what could make this even better though, a lumbering oaf that is all elbow but can kill a ball perfectly on his chest”. Madness. Unless Kloppo is going to put him in goal, then it could be well, actual madness.

Danny Welbeck probably had a point when he hit back at his critics yesterday saying, “it’s not like I meant to miss”. Fair point Danny, fair point and extremely well made. But, it happened and it was very, very funny. Almost as funny as watching Jack Wilshere’s Arsenal career descending into being only a wind-up merchant in the mould of Dennis Wise. Mind you, Wisey was still able to play a bit after the age of 19.

Sham Allarfarce’s ears are probably burning as it is thought that his paymasters are already having discreet little chats with potential replacements. Would it shock you to learn that Everton quite fancy Marco Silva looking slightly more elegant in their dugout next season? No, I doubt it does. But, Marco is the second choice right now as the powers that be at Goodison are eyeing up Shakhtar Donetsk’s Paulo Fonseca as their first choice? Why? Because if you can win the Ukraine than you can win anywhere, right? Big Sham will be alright though, as will Little Sam as a direct result, as they will hot-foot it to West Bromwich Albion for next season leaving Albion fans exactly where they were a year ago when they started complaining about having to watch PulisBall. Oh, wait. Not exactly where they were a year ago. They’ll be in the Championship. Oopsie.

Leicester City players have never been known to hound a manager about before, have they? No, no. No previous on this one at all. Apparently, the Leicester City players are “disillusioned” with life under Claude Puel and “cannot understand” some of his team selections, tactics or training methods. No, this doesn’t sound familiar. Shall we continue? They’ve lost faith in Puel and are “hoping” that the board can do something before the new season kicks off. All we need now is Kasper Schmeichel to be on Sky Sports News on Saturday denying everything and we will all know it is true. Craig Shakespeare is waiting in the wings to step up as first team manager. Oh no, wait! He isn’t, because he did that last time and managed to get sacked himself. Bring back Nigel Pearson, that’s what I say.

Do you want some utterly mad Brazilian transfer rumours? Watford’s Richarlison, who has good up until exactly Bonfire Night, is very much on the radar of Paris Saint-Germain, AS Monaco, Arsenal (naturally) and Chelsea (not going to happen either). Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Well, we can beat that folks. Kenedy, on loan at Newcastle United and having registered about 260 minutes of decent football since arriving in England is on the very same PSG radar and is a little blip on Bayern’s one as well. Kenedy to Bayern? If he is that good, I think Chelsea could do with some help.