I would like to start this week by congratulating Harry Kane: not for being awarded Tottenham’s 2nd goal against Stoke last weekend, but for his complete lack of grace and decorum in his pursuit of goal number 25 in the Premier League this season. It didn’t take long for Harry to launch his assault on the dubious goals panel (a position on which is sandwiched between Secret Service Agent and Astronaut on my list of most exciting future careers), beginning with a fairly light-hearted “that’s my goal” comment.
Fair enough, I thought, point made. Sure, it’s a tad frustrating when you don’t get credit for something that you did – how could I forget the day that my mum thanked my sister for hoovering the stairs when in fact it was I who had slaved away for at least 5 minutes – but it’s not the end of the world. Although, according to Harry Kane, it might well have been. If that little comment was enough to turn a few heads and draw the odd “alright mate, you’ve made your point, let it go now”, comment, his decision to swear on his daughter’s life that he got a touch on Eriksen’s freekick would have had even Donald Trump’s PR team wincing over their morning bagel.
But Harry, with your actions not dissimilar to those to be expected at nursery school (and perhaps academic years 1-3 depending on personal development), you did it. You got that goal. I also have no doubt that you’re sincerely hoping it makes some sort of difference at the end of the campaign, otherwise you are going to look like an even bigger tit than you do now.
Despite the antics of Tottenham’s number 10, it would be wrong not to discuss the events of the Champions League quarter finals, which may well have been the most exciting and unexpected that I can remember. The final act of the round was certainly the most controversial, with Real Madrid winning a 92nd minute penalty to go through to the semi finals at the expense of a Juventus side that could not have given anymore at the Bernabeu. Perhaps the most poignant incident was the dismissal of an exasperated Gianluigi Buffon, shouting in the face of Michael Oliver after his decision to point to the spot. The pain and desperation on the face of the Italian keeper was visible for all to see, with the entire world empathetic to his misfortunes.
Now, Harry, we get that you like scoring goals. We get that you want to win the golden boot. But for goodness sake, have a bit of perspective. Next time just tell the dubious goals panel that they each have a bag of rubbish for a heart.