Yeah, let’s not get too excited. A doubleheader is a good thing for a lot of Fantasy Football players, but not me. It’s two chances in a week to look like a prat. And already, already I look like a prat.
Before we get going, some transfer news.
Harry Kane is back in the side and given the captain’s armband, obviously. Oh, and I have triple captained him this week, in my wisdom.
Also in is Marko Arnautovic, for Son, because I am great at signing a player just as his great run of form is coming to an end!
Jordan Pickford, 4 points
He gets a bonus point for making four saves against Swansea City. Four! Everton were going to learn how to defend under Allarfarce. Well, that hasn’t happened. He is still England’s number one in my eyes though.
Ben Davies, 0 points
Oh, Ben. That was filthy. I’d have sent you off for that ‘tackle’ on Big Vinny. There was no need for that, he’s missed enough football in his life.
Cesar Azpilicueta, 1 point
God, Chelsea were bad for a lot of that game. And then, inspired by a beautiful Frenchman, they turned it around in less than ten minutes. But Cesar, Southampton scored two against you. Two!
Jamaal Lascelles, 2 points
Nice one, Rafa. You made Gazza smile with that win. Newcastle could finish 8th, even if this wasn’t Jamaal’s greatest performance for Newcastle.
Luka Milivojevic, 9 points
Palace may not have got any penalties in their 3-2 win over Brighton, but Luka refused to be out of the game. Two assists, bonus points, the lot. What a man. What a bargain.
Marko Arnautovic, TBC
The big Austrian makes his debut for me tonight and is guaranteed to have his first stinker in ages!
David Silva, 2 points
They should give him a bonus 10 points for being a champion. No end product for David at Wembley, sadly.
Dele Alli, 2 points
2 points and a ‘thanks for coming’ for Dele in his first game of the week. Yes, Dele. That’s what a world class midfield looks like.
Mohamed Salah, 8 points
Just a normal weekend for Mo, really. A headed goal and, er, a clean sheet (because he’s a midfielder, honest).
Harry Kane, 6 points
Only because he was triple captain.
Glenn Murray, 6 points
See, if you leave Glenn on the pitch he might just score. Another goal from the most static striker in the league.
Total: 40 (so far)
Yeah, not a great week but above average again. I have dropped a place in our league, though. Hopefully, the Tottenham Trio will do me well against Brighton and Cesar can avoid conceding against Burnley. Well, we can hope.