Todays Tales

Football fans disloyal to their teams now have a window of opportunity to make a move to follow another club, thanks to new rules proposed by football hierarchy.

Up until now supporters have carried with them their love for their team through thick and thin; often the support of a particular club has been passed down through generations.

But in a move to stimulate fans of clubs who win very little, if anything (think Tottenham), the combined bright minds of FIFA, UEFA, The FA and the Premier League (and loads of others) have devised a kind of transfer window for fans. Oh, and if you think Spurs ARE worth a flutter to land some silverware in the seasons ahead, you can always have a bet.

Spokesman for the unified bodies, Mick Setsquare-Knuckle, if ratified, the scheme will allow supporters to change allegiance in the summer months as well as January.

“Too often football fans are hard done by when their teams are, basically, not up to it. Poor performances and a general lethargy that comes with dismal displays and dreadful defeats mean they are condemned to a season without any joy or hope. I’d urge fans to embrace this proposal.”

“This way, although controversial we concede, at least supporters can check the league table to see who is doing well, or who is having a good run in the domestic cups as well as Europe, and then select their new team. It’ll all be online, and quite simple to do.

“We’re not too naive as to suggest that they will have to follow this ‘new’ team for life. They can swap back to their old team if they have an upturn in form — though Manchester United fans shouldn’t hold out much hope — or they can change to another team. It will stimulate the watching public’s appetite for the game and thus, we can cash in with more TV money and sponsorship. Hey, we’re lining our pockets with this one, baby!”

The move has caused deep divisions with the football fan community with arguments on both sides. Malcolm Parcelforce, a Crystal Palace season ticket holder, sees merit in the plan. H explained:

“My uncle Reg took me to Selhurst Park 22 years ago and I was hooked. But, frankly, I wish I hadn’t been — it’s been an almost constant disappointment. I’m going to support Manchester City next season and don’t care who knows it. I suppose that makes me a traitor?”

Toon fanatic Duncan Doughknutt, who sports a “Kevin Keegan is king” tattoo on his left thigh, says he is furious with the move (as a Newcastle United fan he should be FOR it, surely?) and argues that a “team is for life”. He added:

“Way aye, man. Your team is for life, bonnie lad. Toon, Toon, black and white army. Now, get that microphone away from me — Cockney mot.”