Manchester United versus Liverpool

So that was a damp squib, wasn’t it? Before the match there was a lot of build-up and expectation, but in the end it was a one-all draw. No 4-0 drubbing, no debut goals, no being beaten by shots my cat could have saved (#bravo – the most ironic Twitter hashtag ever). Instead there was a lot of angst for United fans in addition to a good deal of incredulity. For instance, why replace Carrick with Rooney? Despite being as old as the Grand Canyon, Carrick is still United’s best playmaker. If Mourinho had replaced him with Rashford at least it would have made sense insofar as the youngster would have stretched the Liverpool defence with his pace. Not so with Rooney, although in fairness he had a part to play in the buildup to United’s goal; perhaps Mourinho was seeing whether he would shin one in so he could be packed-off to China this month to reduce the wage bill. This possible motive could not explain how the much-maligned Fellaini made it on to the pitch. Yes, I know he also had a hand in the buildup to the United goal, but this is like saying that Bez had a part to play in the Happy Mondays recordings by shaking his maracas. All in all, Mourinho made some strange decisions, especially not taking off Pogba despite him having a stinker of a game; he owes Ibra one for bailing United out of a mess which could have seen even the outside chance of the title slip from their grasp.

Talking of Pogba, you don’t want your record signing giving away cheap penalties, even if they are creative, trendy ‘dab’ handball penalties. Pogba costs more than all of the Spurs first 11 combined. If Man United wanted their money (Pog)back, they could still probably flog him to any Chinese club for £200 million (do you sense a theme of the month here in my writing?) Usain Bolt showed his displeasure for United’s performance on Twitter; if you want someone who is stylish and can dab, he might well have been a better option for Mourinho than Pogba….quicker over 100 metres, too. I would still like to see Bolt play for United as an impact sub. Top class athletes have changed sports before, you know. Dwain Chambers went from sprinting to NFL and Rugby League. Yes, maybe we could have Usain Bolt, Dwain Chambers and Rashford sprinting after Carrick’s sprayed long passes. That sounds more entertaining than dabbing.