My “Liverpool did a signing” dance is being brought out sooner than my Arsenal or Chelsea interpretations. And boy, it is a dance I can tell you. Liverpool have parted with £36.9m of their hard earned of Egyptian Mohamed Salah who claims he can play anywhere. That is actual music to the ears of James Milner who is a little bored of being the filler in the left-back hole. Liverpool will look to recoup the transfer fee by selling Mohamed Salahds in their eateries which will, no doubt, we washed down with an Emre Can of Coke. Roberto Firmino has been a star, not by just giving up his number 11 shirt but by offering all kids that bought a Firmino11 strip for next season a signed shirt in return.

Antonio Conte has urged his superiors at Chelsea to sign Leonardo Bonucci or Virgil van Dijk, or, ideally, both. The title-winning gaffer wants to see the board put their money where their mouth is as he is worried that teams like Liverpool are signing up Chelsea rejects, which means they might have become good since leaving the Bridge. As a result, Romelu Lukaku is still very much Plan A, relegating Borussia Dortmund’s Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang to Plan B.

Another day, another Manchester United rumour. Gareth Bale, yes really, is the latest Real Madrid player with no intention of heading to Old Trafford to be linked to Old Trafford. This has been sparked by the alleged “private” conversation between Kylian Mbappe and Zinedine Zidane. Now, I am not one to pry into someone else’s conversation, especially a private one, but I am guessing the jist of it is that Zizou told young Kylian that he would like to sign him, young Kylian went weak at the knees and Zizou realised he might need to make space for him in the Champions League winners squad. Who better to go? A constantly injured Gareth Bale who, in the exact opposite way to Ryan Giggs, only seems to turn for Wales. Liverpool seem to have taken some transfer bidding potion though, as they emailed a £90m or so bid to Monaco for Mbappe themselves. Really Jurgen Klopp, is he going to play right back is he?

One deal more likely to happen is Chelsea’s Nemanja Matic heading to Manchester, but we’ve said that all week and nothing has happened. Fabinho, another one loitering by the exit door at Monaco, has said the “massively inflated contract on offer at Old Trafford is tempting” so watch this space.

Tottenham Hotspur are in for Max Meyer of Schalke and Germany, who used to cost £35m but might now be allowed to leave for £17.5m. Why is anybody’s guess, though boringly it is more likely to be that his contract is running down rather than he has become £17.5m less good than he was.

Crystal Palace have chosen Ronald, sorry Frank De Boer to be their new manager, meaning Southampton are left with the sloppy seconds that is Mauricio Pellegrino. How on earth does that work? When did Southampton become inferior as a job prospect to Crystal Palace?

John Terry is weighing up the Aston Villa offer whilst looking at his Premier League Bat Phone screaming “why aren’t you ringing?”

England U21’s made it through to the semi-finals of the U21 European Championship which has surprised me. Could this be a glorious summer for young English football, leading up to the inevitable disappointment in Russia next year?

Finally, FIFA found Infantino (or Blatter MK2) not guilty of any form of corruption whatsoever, in fact those people daring to investigate were fools and idiots. And so it begins again….