You’ve Got To Hand It To Colin Wanker: Respect Is A Two-Way Street
There’s a scene at the start of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves where Kevin Costner dares a prison guard to cut off his hand, and says in his broad American…
You Can Keep Your Snood On: Just Roll Your Bloody Socks Down
My god those hands were frozen. I’m not talking a bit nippy; more like snap-them-off-they’re-icicles punishingly sub-zero freezing. The worst part was not the excruciating agony as blood flowed through…
When Did ‘Got, Got, Need’ Become A Brand?
Everybody is guilty of indulging in a spot of nostalgia once in a while. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Weekends inventing every variation of football involving walls, mud, and…
Scruffy Etonian Dipstick Plays the Nazi Card: Johnson, Putin and Dangerous Laziness
I’ll almost certainly regret this, but what the hell – I’m hardly out to make friends in this game am I? Nor, it seems, is some deranged, cloth-headed ape found…
Publicity Hungry Moron v Jamie Carragher: Spitgate’s Skewed Judgement
Our school changing rooms were reasonably large, and we’d sometimes kick about a bit inside before going out. Keepie up challenges, try out a trick or two, that sort of…
Combined XIs: The Last Bastion of Lazy Fools
While most of you will be looking out of your window tomorrow probably shivering at the very sight of this weird, cold white stuff and battered under by ‘The Beast…
A Snowball In Hell: Why We Need The Winter Break From Fantasy
“Remember only this: that you are British, and in the lottery of life, you have won first prize.” So said Cecil Rhodes over a century ago. For those of you…
Mexican Waves: The Scourge of Modern Fandom
What makes football great? To be honest, countless aspects of the game could be pinpointed, but there’s not enough time to list them all. Social change can genuinely be achieved…
Stuck in the Middle With You: Tribalism is a Good Thing, Blind Arrogance is Not
Sometimes we all feel like we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. Personally, I feel a bit like Stealers Wheel – clowns to the left of me, jokers…
Severus Pochettino and the Death-Eating Twitterati: To Dive Or Not To Dive?
When Lucius Malfoy lead his family down the path to darkness, there were some mitigating circumstances. Enticed by the promise of power and threatened by an omnipotent, shapeshifting and almost…