Where are they now AI

We’re back for another one it seems. No matter how hard we try, you just can’t get rid of this. So welcome back to Tales’ lazy look back at somebody who was a bit crap in the Premier League and see what they did after their ‘glory’ days passed.

This week we travel back to the 2004/05 season where Chelsea were looking to buy their way to glory. In came a host of big name signings and Jose Mourinho to try and secure their first title in half a century. Amongst their signings that summer was one of Europe’s deadliest strikers – Mateja Kezman.

Remember when I mentioned while looking back at Afonso Alves that scoring in the Eredivisie was a bit easier than the Premier League? Well, that was the case with poor Mateja. Even with his old PSV sparring partner Arjen Robben coming to Stamford Bridge, Kezman was more akin to Vincent Janssen than Luis Suarez when it came to Eredivisie imports.

It took the poor Serb until December to score his first Premier League and even then it was a last minute penalty when the Blues were already 3-0 up. He’d add a grand total of three more Premier League goals during the rest of the season as Chelsea romped to the title. Hilariously, Kezman became more known for his clumsy style and penchant for unnecessary yellow cards.

Within a season he was already out of Stamford Bridge, Chelsea recouping their money from Atletico Madrid where he partnered another Chelsea icon Fernando Torres up front. Kezman’s scoring record hardly improved that much in Spain and it was off to Turkey next and Fenerbahce. Kezman was liked by the Fener fans and he even managed to hit double figures in both of his seasons there before he naturally decided to leave for France and PSG.

This was PSG before the oil money so really Mateja is a trendsetter that the likes of Zlatan, Verratti and Silva all followed. However, Mateja was hardly beloved by PSG fans as he was booed mercilessly for being a bit… what’s the word… crap. A grand total of ten goals in all competitions; a dodgy spell on loan with Zenit and one tantrum later and he was paid off by the Parisians.

The natural thing for a washed-up journeyman to do next is head to Asia. Usually, the choice is China or the Middle East but not for Kezman. He instead ended up in Hong Kong with South China, TWICE! Sandwiching a strange spell with BATE Borisov, his time in Hong Kong saw him earn a nice little pay packet for not doing a whole lot and then he retired.

He’s now an agent for a number of Serbian players and more recently said some rather (to be polite) unsavoury things about homosexuality. So, he’s kind of like a Serbian Westboro Baptist’s Church at this point.

Anyway, let’s lighten the mood with some questionable YouTube content because I’m lazy. Unfortunately, no comedic ones this week but here’s all seven of Kezman’s Chelsea goals.


And finally, here’s Mateja sticking one past Manchester United when he was considered a good footballer