Tales The Odd Couple

Billionaire foreign owners of Premier League football clubs are often much maligned — for some reason, supporters love the fact that the big bucks come flooding in to the club, but then ask questions when it doesn’t go too well on the pitch. They call for more investment, abuse the owners on social media and then rally to get the aforementioned minted backer out of the club. You just can’t win as they say.

One club that is about to win though, is Rotherham United, who we can reveal are about to be taken over by North Korean despot Kim Jong-un! As hard as it is to believe, we have been tipped off that the supreme leader is set to flood the club with cash in a bid to get the Millers into the Premier League and competing in the Champions League before long, too.

League One Rotherham were relegated last season and boss Paul Warne hasn’t been able to spend too much dosh on new recruits ahead of the new campaign…until now. A source said:

“Kim Jong-un is a huge Rotherham supporter and has been since his dad, Kim Jong-il, took him to see the Millers in action against Pyongyang Nukes FC during their tour of North Korea back in 1991. The Yorkshire side chalked up a 21-0 win over a clearly malnourished Nukes side (although the Pyongyang Examiner printed the result a 0-0) and the seed was sewn. He was hooked.

“Now he is ready to invest around £800million initially and has a five-year plan that will mean United have to relocate to Pyongyang — this may seem like an unlikely proposition but the supreme leader is pretty much used to getting his own way and he has special ways of persuading those who don’t like his way of thinking that, in fact, they are wrong and that he is right. Football officials, after all, are no match for leaders of countries — such as President Trump for instance — when it comes to winning battles over them.”

Kim Jong-un’s ultimate Millers hero is midfield ace Lee Frecklington, who signed for Lincoln City last season after more than 150 games for the club in which he scored 26 goals. In the supreme leader’s Rotherham museum — which every North Korean has to visit at least once in their lifetime, according to a recent government decree — there is a whole section on Frecklington and, amazingly, the stats that accompany his feature, which includes a solid goal, diamond-encrusted statue, show that he played 2,001 games for the Millers and scored 3,502 goals! A source, fearing for his/her life, told us:

“He just makes things up as he goes along. And this berk is running the country and in charge of nuclear bleedin’ missiles!”