It’s now been over a week since Real’s Champions League semi-final triumph over city rivals Atletico, but somehow I still can’t get over it. They genuinely are the worst team ever, and by that I mean anytime I watch them they get at least 17 decisions in their favour and they’re always complaining, (they’re obviously not the worst team ever).

I, like countless others, watched in awe as Atletico flew out of the tunnel and banged in two goals immediately, and so I settled in for one hell of a ride. Then, of course, Real got that all-important away goal to kill the game, kill the tie, and unfortunately kill me a little bit inside as well. A scrappy, crappy, ugly Isco tap-in sent the annoyingly beautiful men of Real Madrid through to another final, with another victory for the dreaded ‘away goals’ rule. So, while my hopes of an underdog victory were crushed, I did learn some valuable lessons from the tense affair.

Firstly, fans are everything. This passionate set of supporters, for me, was 50% of the reason Atletico started so brightly while stunning their opponents in the process. Secondly, and quite possibly the other 50%, comprised the fact that they played with urgency. WHY DON’T TEAMS DO THIS MORE OFTEN? The home side needed goals, and they got them by actually trying to score from the first whistle, rather than what various other sides do and wait until the last five minutes and throw your centre-half up front to try and knick a goal or two. Guess what? As soon as Atletico got two goals they sat back, and then guess what? That’s right, Real scored.

More annoyingly, I’ve never seen so much nonsense on a football pitch in quite some time. Little Isco spent more time lying on the floor than he did standing up, while his team-mates looked like his angry older brothers every time he went down, circling the ref like there was no tomorrow. Importantly, the referee was outstanding and handled the feisty, nonsense affair very well. Although, if I was refereeing such an occasion, I’d gather each and every one of those eejits prior to kick off and warm them that I’ll not stand for such childish behaviour, that ought to stop this pathetic crying over every foul, throw in and goal kick that they somehow find room to complain about.

Regarding the players, I really hope Kevin Gameiro was injured, ‘cause goodness knows how Fernando Torres is still getting a start. I’ve nothing but respect for El Nino, but I really think the best days of his career are long gone. I learnt that Antoine Griezmann can’t defend, that Luka Modric and Keylor Navas are simply outstanding, that Danilo is VERY bad, and finally as everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo loves to gurn when things don’t go his way.

Their most recent league fixture at Celta Vigo really just proves my point, and I watched in anger as Celta forward Iago Aspas received a second yellow card for diving in the Madrid area, when in fact, a penalty should have been awarded. Literally seconds later, the man himself Cristiano did the exact same thing at the other end of the field, and while he thankfully didn’t receive a penalty, he didn’t receive a yellow card like poor old Aspas moments before. Cue the rage from both Celta players and their coaching staff, with defender Jonny receiving a yellow for his protests, while the poor assistant manager was sent to the stands!

Madrid, of course, bounced back after John Guidetti’s goal, and went on to do what they do in every other game I watch them play; score about nine goals. Okay, just four in this case, but still, it always seems to go their way. And then, of course, Ronaldo bagged his customary goals, and unquestionably should have had his hat-trick with genuinely the worst miss I’ve ever seen. Unlike those ones that trickle across the box at the back post, sometimes with that fateful bobble, Cristiano had unlimited time and space to do what he wanted, yet somehow put it a yard wide of the post. After being substituted, he jumped up from the bench in undeniable envy and anger when Toni Kroos did what he didn’t do and finished the game off.

Once again, this mad affair epitomised my feelings on this respected Real Madrid side. Navas really is underrated and is a top, top goalkeeper, Danilo is bang average or, to be slightly more honest, shockingly bad, and that they really do ride their luck. So, to summarise, I’d quite possibly just refuse to play Madrid until they promised me that my side would get a fair bite at the cherry. The ‘slightly fortunate’ decisions that went their way in the Bayern came need no introduction so come on Juve, do us all a favour please!