Todays Tales

What do you mean he signed a new two-year deal? But what about the protests? You’re telling me all those planes went to waste? What about the fans who boycotted? Is nobody thinking of them?

This is modern football at it’s very worst, a football club remaining loyal to the man who has seen them qualify for the Champions League every single season apart from last season. How dare they not sack him? Do they not realise that winning the FA Cup is just not enough anymore? I mean, come on. Even United ended up in the Champions League. Tony Adams’s head must be exploding at this news, let alone the melt-down Arsenal Fan TV will be enduring.

So, er, yeah. That deal that Arsene signed back in December has finally been announced – days after winning a record number of FA Cups being deemed “the right time to announce it”. Well, Wednesday is considered the right time, we are jumping the gun slightly here at Tales. Personally, anything that pisses Piers off is fine by me, so give Wenger a ten-year deal as far as I am concerned. I doubt it will bother too many people outside of the Emirates either, Arsenal will continue to be a soft-touch even with this new fangled three at the back thing. But, you never know. He might have some cunning signings up his sleeves and Arsenal might just be the team to watch next season. I nearly finished typing that before I burst out laughing as well…

Manchester City and messing about, are they? Next in is Ederson, the Benfica goalkeeper, who must be bloody good if he is better than Claudio Bravo who, if we all remember, was considered to be the best in the world by Pep Guardiola just last season. Where does this leave Joe Hart? Probably not at Torino as they think he is a bit rubbish. In other great news for City, Aguero is not packing his bags and looking for a club with a coach who can appreciate just how good he is. No, the chairman – note the chairman and not Pep – has come out and said that talk of Aguero moving on is “ridiculous speculation”. That’s us told then.

Tales from the Top Flight would like to welcome Huddersfield and David Wagner to the column as of now. Personally I am delighted it was Wagner and not Stam, as there is a lot more mileage in ripping it out of someone called Wagner than there is out of someone called Stam. And you already know, without next season even being close, that Huddersfield will make a much better fist of staying up than Sunderland or Middlesbrough did this season. Welcome Terriers, welcome. May you fight like dogs.

Thomas Tuchel has been sacked by Borussia Dortmund. Normally, that kind of news wouldn’t get near this column if it wasn’t for the potential domino effect it might cause in the Premier League hot seats. Tuchel has says he fancies managing in England due to the money culture on offer, so where might he end up? Palace are likely to continue their obsession with recruiting former England managers and appoint Roy Hodgson, so where is there likely to be a vacancy? More to the point, if Tommy T is up for a gig over here, which club might nudge their current boss towards the exit to bring him in? Dammit Watford, you peaked too soon.

Spurs are in danger of not losing just one full back to Manchester, but two. With Kyle Walker keen on trying to play in Pep’s system, before learning that English players really are not tactically that intelligent and moving to West Ham, Danny Rose is likely to be off to United where he will face a half way line that has an invisible wall, meaning every time he attempts a marauding run into opposition territory he will fall flat on his face. Actually, that kind of tumbling over for no reason will make him a firm favourite with the squad, I am sure.

Speaking of United full backs, who remembers Wes Brown? Yes, Wes is about to be let go by Blackburn and is rumoured to be ending his career at Crewe Alexandra. Congratulations to Wes, who appears to be living his career backwards.