Todays Tales

Who says Mike Ashley doesn’t listen to the fans, eh? The oh-so-popular Newcastle United owner has listened long and hard to the ever-moaning Geordies over the last decade and has finally decided that they have been good enough this year to get an extra special present. That’s right, Ashley is selling up. Now, it is unlikely that it is going to be one of his “75% off EVERYTHING” sales that you see at Sports Direct, but Mike will sell up to the first person of any nationality, suitability or wealth that can come up with the readies. Ashley is thought to be a little bit miffed that Rafa Benitez is getting all the credit for Newcastle doing OK so far this season, considering it was his own spend-thrift attitude that put Rafa’s squad together. Either way, the new owners will most likely be buying a club staying in the Premier League. Tales can exclusively predict that Newcastle United fans will still be moaning about how (a) the club is run and (b) how they are a big club that should be winning things this time next year.

Dejan Lovren has accused Romelu Lukaku of deliberately kicking him in the face at Anfield on Saturday. If he did, most of us probably missed due to the fact we had fallen asleep by then. If he did, it would mean that Lukaku actually had 21 touches on Saturday. If he did, it would have been the only shot a United player got on target in 90 minutes. If he did, it certainly wouldn’t have happened in the Liverpool penalty area.

Jose Mourinho has long said that he would welcome the chance to sign a new, longer-term deal at Manchester United and today the expected caveats have started to appear. Jose, who currently earns in the region of £15m a year to instruct nine outfield players to camp in their own half when playing away to lesser sides like Liverpool, wants a lot more money in order to accurately reflect the fact he won the League Cup (which is fast becoming as small a claim as winning the Community Shield) and the Europa League (which they only took seriously because the screwed it up in the Premier League). Basically, Jose will commit to United for life if they are prepared to pay him enough cash – cash that of course he will still get when things spectacularly explode in about 21 months time.

Antonio Conte was wisely deduced that losing away to a side that had not just failed to win all season but had failed to even score suggests that defending their Premier League crown might be tricky. Admit it Antonio, you’re not that fussed now. You are just hoping that Vincenzo Montella can string out his AC Milan failure until after Christmas so they only appoint an interim coach as a replacement, leaving the hot seat free for you to jump into next season. It’s a good strategy, providing Milan don’t go all nostalgic and bring back Carlo Ancelotti. Mind you, he might end up interim for Chelsea of Conte does do one sooner. Ah, the game of chess that managerial appointments have become. Ancelotti seems to think that Juventus losing for the first time at home in over 50 games means there might be a job going there though, so we will see.

Jurgen Klopp has decided that his teams needs more pace in wide areas, because that is their weak spot after all. He is after the Sheffield United wonderboy David Brooks. Alright then!

Arsenal are continuously lining up replacements for Alexis Sanchez and Mesut Ozil and it’s the unfortuntae duo of AC Milan’s Andre Silva and Barcelona youth team product that won’t be as good as they were back in the old days Abel Ruiz. Why Silva would want to take a backward step is beyond me and Ruiz is only 17, which is just what Arsenal need to do right now – get another 17 year old in that they won’t play and watch a Bundesliga side snap them up in two years time.

Here’s a game for you. You are Real Madrid. You haven’t really bought anyone for a while and the natives are getting restless. You need to be linked to a player just so it looks like you are trying. You put all the names of the big league top scorers in a hat and see who you come out with. Oh look, it’s Tottenham Hotspur’s Harry Kane. Yeah, that’ll do. Start that rumour.