Todays Tales

The last time a pie caused this much fuss, it was apple and featured in a movie. To be fair to Wayne Shaw, he may as well have you know whatted the pie in question because if you are going to have to resign for eating it, you may as well you know what it, right? Apparently Shaw was aware that SunBets (notice they were conveniently sponsoring the side) had him at 8/1 to one to eat a pie on the bench against Arsenal. With all three subs already on, Shaw decided to tuck in. Now, let’s be clear. Shaw is a big lad, to ask him to go 90 minutes without some grub is probably worthy of the human rights commission, let alone the gambling commission getting involved. He did not bet on it, but he did have a feed. So what next, Theo Walcott being investigated for not getting a touch on Lucas’ cross-shot because he knew the Spaniard was 25/1 to score first? Madness. Just because someone knows the odds, doesn’t he mean he cannot do it, surely? I don’t know. Talk about the fun police killing the mood. It’s not exactly match fixing now is it, and I would imagine SunBets are only too happy to fork (geddit) out some pie and mash (ahem, cash) to winning punters in return for their exposure all day yesterday. Sutton were worried that it didn’t show them in the best light. Guys, having a 25 stone backup goalkeeper didn’t exactly show you in the best light.

Arsene Wenger has said he wouldn’t be able to manage in the non-league game, ruling out at least half of his potential destinations after Arsenal get rid in the summer.

You can put that whipround for Clattenburg on hold. Apparently he isn’t jumping ship just yet. Clatts will feature in at least four more Premier League matches this season, meaning that farewell tour is going to become as annoying as West Ham saying goodbye 36,000 times to Upton Park last season. Oh god, that’s just reminded me – we have all that to come with Spurs this season, don’t we? Brilliant.

Sunderland have come into some stick for matters off the field this week, which makes a change from people digging them out for being bobbins on the field. A week after the entire squad flew out all expenses paid to New York, the club have announced a series of redundancies. Now, for those of you that do not know, a redundancy is where your job is considered non-essential and can be removed without anyone replacing you in the workplace. The role gets divided up across other members of staff and is a cost cutting exercise. Personally, I would have made Jermain Defoe redundant. A goal scorer in this team is completely non-essential because it doesn’t matter how many goals he scores, Sunderland are still going down. And I am sure they can share the kick off duties amongst the remaining players.

Finally, yesterday Chelsea legend Frank Lampard announced he is not going to be the next James Bond. In other news, I announced I am not going to be the next opening batsman at Lords in the summer. Neither were likely, and quite frankly I reckon I’d make a better job of batting with Cookie than Frank would ordering a martini.