Welcome to a very special P-Ross. Not only will you get more of my drivel, but the sane one in my marriage gets to include her thoughts (or lack of caring) on this weekend’s action.
So, please welcome my wife, Mrs Jacobs.
Saturday 1st April 2017
Liverpool vs Everton
The 228th Merseyside derby is upon us and the teams are close. And not geographically. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when Southgate called Klopp to explain Lallana’s injury. The German, grinding his teeth, steam coming out of his ears. I suppose now Gareth would know a few rude words in German.
Everton fans must feel very confused about Lukaku. Love to hate or hate to love. Neither matters as he will leave this summer. I also didn’t think I’d see the day the toffee’s fans would miss Funes Mori. The defender with a face only a semi-blind mother could love has joined the unfortunate Seamus Coleman. Get well soon Col. Mustard.
Claire: I do like Jürgen Klopp, as he is Kloppy with the floppy hair. And no Ross, I’m not recording it for you while your away.
Burnley vs Tottenham
So, for the first time since January 31st, Spurs are not on TV. Yes, for two whole bloody months we have bored everyone. So, take a rest and watch us implode against a very stubborn Burnley team. I’m dreading this game. I can see Joey Barton running the game, winding Dembele up and getting the Belgian sent off. Grr, I’m getting angry thinking about it.
Claire: Ha-ha without the ‘HurriKane’ you’re so going to f*****g lose. But you do have Dele Alli.
Chelsea vs Crystal Palace
The machine that is Chelsea come home to probably wipe the floor with Palace. But maybe we shouldn’t underestimate Big Sam. He is a canny lad, and hopefully, will park a big huge double decker bus. Because let’s be honest, Palace are barely going to get out of their own half. So please Sam, give the rest of us a chance.
It’s not going to happen is it?
Claire: I have nothing to say about Chelsea because I hate them so much. The only thing I can say I hope they lose, but they won’t
Man United vs West Brom
I can’t wait to see what excuse Toby Pulis comes up with this week. Wrong grass, wind blowing too hard to keep his cap on. Oh just smile man. Saying that they did beat Arsenal in their last game and that’s always funny.
Man United are still without Ibrahimovic. And #POGBA has yet to set the league on fire. Yet give him half a chance and he might get a haircut with them in.
Claire: I don’t know, after WBA beating Arsenal (my team) maybe their form is great enough to beat Man Utd. But it was Arsenal. So sadly Man United will win.
Watford vs Sunderland
Let’s all be honest. Neither team has much to play for. Sunderland are as good as gone and Moyes looks depressed more and more by the week. Watford, well, does anyone know any of their players? Yes, I’m still confused by it. But they have only one point from their last four games which could still mean slipping into a relegation fight.
Defoe is everyone’s darling at the moment. And what he is doing with Bradley Lowery is just wonderful.
Claire: I just want Sunderland to win for Bradley.
Southampton vs Bournemouth
The south-coast derby has only local bragging rights at stake. Neither side are going anywhere. Bournemouth are a steady club with a steady team. And…. Oh god, this is going to be a boring game.
The Saints have a few injuries to key players. Marco’s boy is out and Van Dijk’s season could be over. But before I fall asleep putting these words down I’ll give a score prediction.
Claire: One of those games which I don’t give a s**t about. Don’t care who wins, but I do love the sea-side.
Sunday 2nd April
Swansea vs Middlesbrough
Swansea should win this at a canter. Whatever a canter is? And with my new man crush Gylfi pulling the strings I can see them breaking them down the most boring team on the planet.
Middlesbrough brought Jonathan Woodgate in as a physio this week. No, I’m only joking. He is assisting Steve Agnew I think.
Claire: Seriously Ross who cares?
Arsenal vs Man City
My word, aren’t Arsenal a funny club? Wenger doesn’t just miss things on the pitch but off them too. Come on man, surely you know your time is up. But yet, I read there is a two-year deal on the table. I wish I could be that crap at my job and yet get a pay rise. Sanchez and Ozil will stay he says, and are happy at the club, he says. Happy? I’ve seen people in war-torn countries with more hope in their face.
City, well Pep still baffles me. Three at the back, two at the back, one holding, Fernandinho playing right back and Joe Hart never coming back. Yet everyone seems to think they are in a better place than a year ago. Maybe Bravo could play as left back?
Claire (who supports Arsenal): Obviously with Arsenal being the best team in the world, I want to see them win and kick Pep’s butt. Sadly with Wenger-gate at the minute the players won’t be focussed 100%. So we may lose but I am thinking a change in manager is needed.