Saturday 4th February 2017
Chelsea vs Arsenal
For me, this is not a case of who wins, more of a case of who loses. It’s like choosing your favourite dictator. Chelsea were held at Anfield mid-week against a half-fit Mane FC. Arsenal were beaten during their warm-up according to their touch line banned boss. The best I can hope for in this is for Costa to be sent off and Ozil to walk off the pitch in protest that he is too good to play in rain.
SCORE: 2-2 and 7 red cards.
Crystal Palace vs Sunderland
Six-pointer!! A relegation battle!! A scrap!! Other buzz words could be used but let’s face it, this will be a drab affair between a team who has won one in plenty and another who’s bus must be used again after parking it for the visit of Spurs (not sulking at all). But with Z’aha back (now he has switched to Ivory Coast he should change his name, right?) and Big Sam signing about 50 players for fifty quid, Palace should win easily.
SCORE: 5-0
Everton vs Bournemouth
What happened to Everton spending £700 million in the window? I was surprised Koeman didn’t walk after Tuesday night’s lack of Messi and Bale. Stupid promises aside, it’s hard to see where goals will come from in this game. As for Lukaku, I’m worried for the fans sitting behind each goal that the net itself. Did Bournemouth actually sign anyone?
SCORE: 0-0
Hull City vs Mane FC… sorry Liverpool
Hull’s ability to make Jose so angry that he again walked out on the BBC, should be applauded. They may need more of that because MANE IS BACK. Not since Dalglish came back as manager has the Kop gone crazy over one person. Klopp’s refusal to say Sturridge is past it also should be taken notice of. All this fuss about Sturridge – one great season, right?
SCORE: 0-2 (I won’t say who may score both)
Southampton vs West Ham
With Payet gone and replaced by Snodgrass I wonder what message this sends to the Hammers fans. If you read any of tweets the owners post, you’d think Champions League football was a certainty. Losing 0-43 to City mid-week will do little to dampen the spirits of the three stooges. The Saints on the other hand are strange bunch. They spent some money on Marco Gabbiadini’s son but that was it. Fonte, who now plays for the World Cup ’66 winners, wasn’t replaced. And with Van Dijk out until Chelsea show interest, this does leave a few holes at the back.
SCORE: 2-1
Watford vs Burnley
Money bags Burnley may not even play their new singings erm… that bloke and the one who used to play for Norwich I think. But I like Burnley, I like their manager too. I do worry about his voice though. He sounds like Mike Reid is trying to possess him. Watford will be bouncing after the surprise win at Arsenal. I had to check my phone four times before I believed Kaboul hit a free-kick on target let alone scoring from one.
SCORE: 2-0
West Brom vs Stoke
The Saido Berahino derby should be fun just to hear the boos. One minute he was to unfit to play and sent to France, the next he comes off the bench for his new club and nearly scores. The saddest story of the week is that Crouch has retired the ‘robot’. There should be a statue outside Wembley when he retires. The only time I’ve smiled whilst watching England has been when Crouch played and scored.
SCORE: 3-3
Spurs vs Middlesbrough
Spurs have had their best January transfer window ever, by doing nothing at all. We normally panic buy a name and loan them out 18 months later. It actually helped us playing Sunderland that night and distracted Levy from thinking we needed anyone. Karanka has been getting wound up about not buying anyone he wanted and this will hopefully come back to bite him when Rhodes starts banging them in for Sheffield Wednesday. Not getting Jese shouldn’t have been a surprise at all. Even I’ve never heard of half the players Boro have.
Score: 3-1
SUNDAY 5th February
Man City vs Swansea
Yet another great decision to show a one-sided game. Even though Swansea beat Liverpool, they didn’t have Mane and I can’t see them beating a team consisting of Hay-soos. The new darling of the Premier League will have to start doing the robot to win me over. Saying that if Manchester City don’t score five they should give me my money back for watching it.
SCORE: 6-1
Leicester City vs Man United
I don’t feel bad for laughing at the fact the former Champions could be relegated. And we need a happy Jose. The fact that Leicester’s fans are starting to turn on Claudio is just hilarious. He wins the league and then they find their real level, which is just hovering over the danger zone. United’s lack of fire power is worrying, this means Fellaini will get more game time. How this man is still at United is incredible. Jose has been taken over by the ghost of Moyes. “Elbows” himself looks surprised half the time while running around aimlessly heading balls.
SCORE: 0-1