A quiet week, nothing to report other than Arsenal dying at Palace, slaps all round at Sunderland and Tony Adams in La Liga…

Todays Tales

It’s been a fairly slow start to the footballing week. Not a great deal has happened that we weren’t expecting, therefore there has not been a great deal to point the Tales finger of fun at.

Sorry, what’s that? Arsenal lost to Palace you say? Tony Adams has been appointed the manager of a La Liga side? And someone punched Ross Barkley? I must have been looking the other way!

Yes, someone gave Ross Barkley a bit of a slap apparently. I’m sure I could have found out who if I had decided to research the subject matter properly, but I was never going to do that. I am just hoping it was Ronald Koeman, gently persuading his inconsistent midfielder to sign a new contract. Maybe Ross asked Koeman if he would be sticking around next season? Still, he already had a face that looked like he’d taken a few knocks, so no harm done.

Victor Anichebe who, very briefly, looked like he might keep Sunderland up all on his own earlier in the season, has come out and said Sunderland must keep fighting for their Premier League survival. This was music to Moyes’ ears! Slaps all round then?

Dele Alli had no such worries, as he celebrated his 21st birthday with a Playboy model. And they say the stars of the 60’s wouldn’t survive in today’s game. Or was it the other way round? Still, it’s not a bad life for Dele right now. Scoring on and off the pitch for fun, and delivering some absolute worldies for good measure. Who cares if he can’t perform at Wembley, right?

It all makes sense now. Tony Adams being made the manager of Granada is the most elaborate job interview for Arsenal imaginable. Tony rocked up, wonderfully prepared for his first press conference and did not give the impression he didn’t have a clue what he was doing or saying. His first dip into the transfer market will have reassured passionate Granada fans that the team is in safe hands, as Kieron Richardson and Nigel Reo-Coker rocked up on trial. Who’d have thought they’d be without clubs in April? Rohan Ricketts is waiting patiently by his phone and Joey Barton is regretting jumping back in with Burnley so quickly. Joleon Lescott is beside himself. I think it is safe to say Tony might get filed in the same folder as Gary Neville, titled “really bad ideas involving English coaches and Spain”. Oh, and that suit.

That said, Arsenal fans would probably still have him. Mind you, they’d have anyone after Monday night. Can you imagine the thoughts going through Big Sam’s mind as he chewed his cud on the sideline? “I knew it. I knew I was effing brilliant. This will show the FA they were wrong to sack me”. I cannot imagine a defeat, even the Bayern matches, will have hurt Arsene more than losing to Allardyce. And if that doesn’t make him realise his time as not just gone, it has ceased to exist, then nothing will.