Fantasy Football

In a weekend very much overshadowed by Anthony Joshua’s legendary KO of the great Wladimir Klitschko, it made us all realise that there are actually other sports besides football. Weird right? Of course, none will ever top the beautiful game and the really popular, annoyingly addictive fantasy thing that goes with it. So, gameweek 35, let’s see who made your team of dreams…


JAKUPOVIC (14 points)

In goal, we have the Hull City man, who you can still snatch up for just £4.1m and with Sunderland at home next week, you’d have to say a clean sheet is pretty much guaranteed! Speaking of clean sheets, Jakupovic earned his side a goal-less point at Southampton, courtesy of a heroic penalty save late on.  In what could potentially be one of the most crucial saves in the Tigers’ season, it seems only right the Bosnian was awarded the maximum bonus points, taking his total to 14. I’m quite annoyed after writing that, because he was very much sat on my bench.


CAHILL (14 points)

That’s 2 in 2 for the current Chelsea skipper, who’s doing his very best John Terry impression by locating the plate, and then stepping up to it when it matters most. Cahill effectively sealed the 3 points for the blues by scoring the most Sunday League goal you’ll see in a while. Though it may not have been the prettiest, Gary Cahill’s unintentional shinned rebound was hugely important, and had that sort of, ‘title winning’ feeling attached to it. Chelsea’s first clean sheet in about 142 games added to the blues captain’s score of 14.

TRIPPIER (9 points)

When called upon, the Spurs second-choice right back has done rather well. His impressive display in the North London Derby will have made Kyle Walker a bit worried about his future place in the Tottenham starting XI. I guess after he’s informed that City are supposedly lining up a £50m bid for his services, he won’t mind keeping the bench nice and warm in Spurs’ remaining games. Trippier picked up a clean sheet and a bonus of 3 as Pochettino’s troops dismantled Arsenal and exposed their inability to master the 3 at the back formation. Wenger tried I guess. It was obviously never going to work, but at least he tried.

FONTE (9 points)

Hammers centre-half Jose Fonte completes the dream team back 3. I can only assume he put in a solid display to try and get himself a transfer back to Southampton. Anyone else think that was a bit of a strange one? Anyway, West Ham participated in yet another boring 0-0 draw, this time with Stoke. Just like the game, this summary will be devoid of anything remotely interesting, so let’s move on.


CAN (11 points)

Fair play Emre, that was a bit special. The Liverpool midfielder scored the only goal in their 1-0 win over Watford, but my god what a goal it was. The German’s bicycle kick was a strike worthy enough to win the leagu…. err, fourth spot. That might very well turn out to be the case too with both Manchester clubs failing miserably to beat the relegation scrappers, and Arsenal sitting comfortably down in 6th. Can picked up the max bonus giving 2.2% of owners a very tidy score of 11.

KING (11 points)

King really is the King isn’t he. Well, of Bournemouth. The guy can’t stop scoring at the moment and he bagged another in the Cherrie’s 1-0 victory over the now officially Championship-bound Sunderland. They’re gone. Sunderland are finally gone. On behalf of all us football fans, thank you Josh, for sealing the Mackem’s fate – maybe deserves a crown after all.

PEDRO (10 points)

The toffees did all they could to stifle Chelsea’s relentless march towards the title, and they successfully frustrated Conte’s men until Pedro showed a moment of brilliance and smashed a left-footed wonder-strike past Stekelenburg to establish a valuable lead. Pedro is another player who has simply been reborn under the Italian manager; maybe Conte politely reminded him that he used to play for Barcelona, and so by default, he must be pretty decent at football. Whatever it is there, it’s working!

SIGURDSSON (10 points)

‘Bout time Gylfi. We almost went 11 games without a Sigurdsson free-kick to earn Swansea a desperate point. Things are back to normal though, as the Swans’ hero whipped one over the Manchester United wall and into the back of the net, thus taking the tally of United home draws to something like 882 in a row. That’s how it feels anyway.


AGUERO (12 points)

Sergio hit another double-figured score against struggling Boro as he converted a penalty that should’ve never of stood and provided the assist for Gabriel Jesus’ late equaliser. You have to feel a bit sorry for Boro in the end, they actually gave it a fair go. I suppose that’s what you get for leaving it 34 games too late. Aguero owners got their reward though, as they so often do. I knew I should’ve took that 8 point hit to get him in. He’s just SO expensive!

NEGREDO (11 points)

Carrying on, even Alvaro Negredo got himself on the scoresheet against his former club. Proving a point? Maybe. If only he’d have scored a few more like that in a City shirt ay, who knows; he could be in an underachieving side that’s contending for a Champions League spot right now. Instead, with the drop pretty much confirmed, the future looks bleak for the Spaniard. Having said that, he’ll probably end up playing in the Italian league next season, score 34 goals, then get snatched up by Everton or something – that’s how football tends to work.

BARNES (9 points)

The Burnley frontman finishes off this week’s side as his goal and bonus of 3 earned him a total of 9. Burnley’s 2-0 win at Palace wasn’t a result you’d find on too many betting slips, but I guess at this stage of the season, with most teams pretty much assured Premier League survival, no one really cares. See you next season, Ashley. I look forward to your filthy challenges and terrible goals.

That concludes the GW35 dream team then, and I’d say this week’s side is a slight improvement from last week. It’s probably the lack of Hull players that’s done it. Odds on a Sunderland player sneaking in the team next week? Hmm, probably just as likely as David Moyes being offered the Barca job. Anything can happen in football though, we all know this.