Tales Top Tips: It’s all about the “quality of football” at Southampton and WBA, eh?

Tales Top Tips

Friday night football could be quite a cool thing, but chucking West Ham United vs Leicester City in our direction is not very likely to get people to change their start-of-the-weekend plans.

What not-so-Top Tips do we have for you this weekend?

West Ham United vs Leicester City

Well, at least David Moyes is heading to the Athletics Stadium with three points under his belt, plenty of nice things to say about his squad and a clear plan of action for the future. Oh no, silly me. We are talking about this David Moyes, not that one! Watford comfortably saw off the Hammers 2-0 on Moysey’s debut, leading to the most negative post-match interview since Moyes’ last post-debut-match interview with Sunderland. Claude Puel is easing into life at the former champions quite gracefully – I mean, it’s almost like he isn’t that bad a manager after all, eh Southampton fans? I’m just trying to imagine the atmosphere if Leicester beat West Ham. Oooooh, come on Leicester!

West Ham United 0 – 1 Leicester City

Crystal Palace vs Stoke City

These are two teams I am really not-fussed about. But, Palace are starting to look less crap than at the start of the season and in RLC and Zaha they do have two players that are decent to watch. It’s just the rest of them. As for Stoke, they are the epitome of one step forward and three steps back. I can see Palace winning this, but I can also see Stoke scoring three. I can’t see Palace scoring four, so I am now very confused. 0-0!

Crystal Palace 0 – 0 Stoke City

Manchester United vs Brighton & Hove Albion

Start Zlatan! Start Zlatan! Please start Zlatan! United were terrible against Basel having been pretty good against Newcastle United last week. The big Swede is back, Pogba ran the show last week and even Marcos Rojo is fit enough to get a game. Fellaini has come up with a novel excuse for the way he plays – he is suing New Balance for “defective boots” which is rich. He rarely kicks the ball, he just heads it. Brighton have surprised many so far this season and have their own wrong-side-of-thirty talismanic front man to rely on in Glenn Murray. The sensible thought it that United should win this with ease, but it also the kind of game that could end up a draw with Jose opening fire on his own players once more.

Manchester United 2 – 0 Brighton & Hove Albion

Newcastle United vs Watford

Will this be Marco Silva’s farewell game for Watford? Somehow, I doubt it. Newcastle are the subject of a £300m bid (of sorts) from Amanda Staveley so the mood could be buoyant in the North East. Rafa will want the Magpies to bounce back from their Old Trafford beating and Richarlison is no doubt eyeing up which defender he can make fun of for 90 minutes on the Watford side of things. It won’t be a thriller.

Newcastle United 1 – 2 Watford

Tottenham Hotspur vs West Bromwich Albion

It’s the return of the original Ginger Mourinho! Gary Megson will be in the WBA dugout for one game only, or so the Albion fans pray. God, if you thought football was bad with Pulis in charge? Let’s just hope Megson hasn’t had long enough to get too many of his beliefs across. Spurs, having beaten Dortmund midweek, will be looking to get the Premier League race for second place back in the groove after being hilariously beaten by Arsenal last weekend. Plus the game is at Wembley. Megson couldn’t win and get the job, could he?

Tottenham Hotspur 3 – 0 West Bromwich Albion

Swansea City vs AFC Bournemouth

This is one of them relegation six-pointers. That said, every game is one of them for Swansea at the moment. Paul Clement is convinced he still has the backing of the board which suggests one more loss and he will be slinging his hook. But who knows which Bournemouth side will turn up? They were excellent last week which normally means there are three points on the table for Swansea. Tammy Abraham could well be out however, meaning Wilfried Bony will get a chance to party like it’s 2014 all over again.

Swansea City 1 – 0 AFC Bournemouth

Liverpool vs Chelsea

Finally! A game worth actually thinking about. Liverpool managed to find new defensive lows in the week whilst Chelsea were uber-professional in seeing off Qarabag. Antonio Conte’s beard is already rivalling Kloppo’s and this game is almost too tough to call. Can Mo Salah become yet another Chelsea reject to show what a mistake the club (Jose Mourinho) made? Here’s a tip for Cesar Azpilicueta. All those crosses you’ve put in for Alvaro Morata this season? Try lots of them tomorrow. You never know, they might just work against this Liverpool defence.

Liverpool 1 – 3 Chelsea

Southampton vs Everton

Does anyone really care outside of the Blue half of Merseyside and those that follow the Saints? I certainly don’t. Until Everton can be bothered to be a football team again I am reluctant to even pass comment, and I am still annoyed at the Southampton fans (plus laughing at their current situation) for moaning about “the quality of football” they were served last season. What is all this “quality of football” bollocks? Do you really want to play like a very bad Celtic and get stuffed 7-1 by a Premier League team? Oh, you do? Then piss off to the Championship and see how it goes down there. Honestly.

Southampton 0 – 0 Everton

Burnley vs Arsenal

This is a big game in the race for 6th place this season. Burnley do actually play a bit of football, and Arsenal certainly give it their best shot. Arsenal were great against Spurs and crap against Cologne so your guess is as good as mine for this one. I’m going Burnley, because I am all about the current Ginger Mourinho.

Burnley 2 – 1 Arsenal

Huddersfield Town vs Manchester City

Having been stuffed last week, the last thing Huddersfield need is a visit from City. But, that’s what they’ve got and they are just going to have to suck it up. How many do you think City will get? I’m going for six. Yeah, six. Sorry Huddersfield, just bend over and take what you know is coming to you.

Huddersfield Town 0 – 6 Manchester City