Fantasy Football

You know that free fall Huddersfield Town are in? They’ve got nothing on me. Nada. 12th in the table to 30th in the table in under a month. That takes some doing, I can tell you.

Ben Foster, 6 points

You see, I’d love to take credit for Ben Foster being restored to my line-up, but I can’t. Nothing to do with me, it happened automatically after Rob Elliot was dropped for Newcastle’s trip to Chelsea. I’m glad it happened though.

Ben Davies, 2 points

Thanks for coming Ben. Well, at least it wasn’t Davinson Sanchez in the team. I need Tottenham to start doing better generally, not just for Ben’s sake.

Cesar Azpilicueta, 2 points

You know it’s a tough week when Mr Reliable only gets you a couple of points. Come on Cesar, clean sheets and assists please!

Stephen Ward, 2 points

Anyone else thinking I might have jinxed Burnley? Wardy got me a clean sheet in his first week for me but since then Burnley have lost 1-0 twice in three matches.

N’Golo Kante, 2 points

N’Golo is bugger all use to me if Chelsea don’t keep clean sheets. Danny Drinkwater seems popular with Conte again though, maybe a switch is on the cards?

Richarlison, 1 point


Dele Alli, 2 points


David Silva, 9 points

Nice one baldy, it’s about time you did something useful for me. More of that next week please against United.

Harry Kane, 2 points

Dear Harry, please start scoring again like you used to. Love, Chris x

Sergio Aguero, 4 points

He’d better be saving it all up for a Manchester Derby hat-trick next weekend, that’s all I can say.

Tammy Abraham, 2 points

I think I have persisted here for about two months too long with Tammy. It’s not his fault, but Swansea are shockingly bad and he isn’t going to score more than two more this season.

As I said, we have nose-dived to 30th after that round delivered an under-average 34 points. My reputation is on the line now, it might be time for drastic measures again.

Tammy has to go, we know that. Where else can I get points from? Kane, Aguero, Silva, Richarlison, Alli and Cesar will deliver loads more over the course of the season so it is a case of working out where I might get some cheap points in the other positions. There has to be a better option than Foster or Elliot in goal, Ward and Davies in defence. As for Fellaini and Kante in midfield, I am just hurting myself by having that.

The thing is, wholesale changes will cost points. The other thing is, I’m hardly racking them up right now. The other thing is, will I even remember this come Friday?