Few could predict a decade ago that Arsene Wenger would become public enemy number one. There was a time where he was adored, worshipped, and revered. He was the envy of the Premier League. Wenger would take young talent and nurture them until they blossomed into world beaters. A list that includes the likes of Thierry Henry, Patrick Viera, Nicolas Anelka, and Alex Iwobi (wait how did he get in there!). Safe to say things were looking pretty swell Wenger & Co.
So where did it all go wrong? After gathering the worlds greatest footballing minds, led by the great Adrian Chiles, the best commentator to ever exist… My team concluded that it went wrong on the 2nd of January 2012. It started like any other day. Wenger woke up and kissed his life-size cut out of Patrick Vieira, thanking Vieira for giving him the strength to put up with the self-proclaimed ‘Lord’ Nicklas Bendtner & being able to not throw-up by the sight of Marouane Chamakh’s hair. After that, the Gooners made the short trip across London to face Fulham. Yet today was a stereotypically cold and wet Monday night. Not thinking anything of it Wenger decided to strut his stuff in his brand new ‘Nikey’ puffer coat. Little did he know this would be the biggest mistake of his life.
37 minutes into the game, Arsenal were in control, playing their unique style of football they were famous for. Wenger, feeling rather pleased with himself as several respected players complimented his jacket, decided to pose with both hands in his pockets. His left hand slipped in perfectly like it was an effortlessly placed Ramsey pass. His trusted right hand, however, failed him. With each attempt to place his hand into the pocket, Wenger’s confidence dropped. Each failure made that beautiful smile which used light up North London fade. Faced with the humiliation, Wenger turned to his bench only to see Tomas Rosicky and Andrey Arshavin whispering about him. From this moment the game was lost. Wenger was mortified by his first senior incident in public. Arsenal fell apart, eventually losing the game 2-1 thanks to Bobby Zamora and former ‘Gunners’ player Steve Sidwell.
Sources close to Wenger, state he was never the same. That once charming, happy go lucky personality was replaced by a strict, unforgiving persona which can only be described as a failing dictatorship on its last legs. From here, Wenger made his biggest managerial mistake of all. He relied on young English talent to win trophies.
With it being awards season and the Oscars taking place, many political statements were made. Yet it was to my surprise that none of these privileged actors mentioned the suffering of thousands of ‘Gooners’ on a weekly basis. I was even more flabbergasted to not see anyone stand up for the people and say: “Stop making Fast & Furious Movies!” Also, can someone please please please tell Arsenal fans that the #TimesUp movement is not about Arsene Wenger…
After seeing the awfully stupid Shape of Water win the award for best picture, it got me thinking. What if we make a ground-breaking feature length film? Following the rise and fall of England’s last dictatorship, the story of Arsene Wenger. The title is a work in progress but it plays off the famous words Wenger once spoke to Bruce Wayne:
“You Either Die A Hero, Or You Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Villain”