The Wild Wild West: Pandemonium in Stratford

West Ham United

What happened at the Olympic Stadium on Saturday was bonkers. And yes, I’m calling it the Olympic Stadium because whoever came up with the name the “London Stadium” definitely watches Bargain Hunt religiously. And a football ground being named the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park is like naming an equestrian club after Danny Dyer. It’s mad that the event didn’t get more media coverage. The first I heard of it was this tweet on Saturday evening.

Trouble in the stands? Chelsea back in town maybe? Throwback to the 1970s’ throwback of 2016.

Nah. It’s gotten so bad at West Ham that they’ve resorted to the old-fashioned working class past-time of calling the establishment cunts. In this case, it’s their owners, and if West Ham United fans despise anyone more than the Chelsea away end, it’s their owners. Which is saying something if you’ve ever seen their end.

The best thing about the protests was the lack of organisation from the stewards and the ease at which it was all allowed to unfold. Gold, Sullivan and Brady have underfunded the club so much that even their stewards can’t do the one thing they’re useful for.

I mean watch their reaction time and sense of urgency as one steward takes on a half-paced jog to usher the invader off the pitch, as if he was a sheep.

Then, the first two invaders run right past another steward after hopping the hoardings and are allowed to return to their seats, no questions asked.

Imagine going to the West End to watch The Lion King musical, jumping onto the stage mid-song, confronting the lead actor telling him the way the West End is ran is shit, bringing the show to a complete halt before being allowed to return to your seat and enjoy the rest of the performance.

Then, 45 seconds into the above clip comes the greatest moment in Premier League history, surpassing Aguero’s title-winning goal versus QPR in 2012 and Cheick Tiote’s late equaliser in the 4-4 against Arsenal in 2011. The absolute legend who failed to plant the corner flag in the centre circle and so decided to wave it above his head. In his mind he probably thought that he looked like a revolutionary leader, performing an act of defiance whose image would become iconic for years to come, similar to the man who stood in front of the tank in Tiananmen Square.

Again, security decide that since it’s a 3 pm kick-off and the evenings are getting brighter, they’re in no rush. At the same time as the Stratford Fidel Castro is being led off (probably just back to his seat), another man decides he feels sorry that the stewards are finding it so hard to catch someone and so makes their job easier by running straight into their arms.

Some other lad got decked by Mark Noble, which on any other day would’ve been headline news, but was merely a drop in the ocean in the best 45 minutes of television this season if you don’t count all the VAR games. Then the Walking Dead inconveniently began filming for Season 9, while the game was still ongoing.

West Ham has gone absolutely bonkers, and while I’m sure everyone is hoping things get sorted out soon, it’s a real shame that there’s not another home game for the Hammers until the 31st of March. That corner flag should be locked away in a museum somewhere.

All the best.

About the Author

Liam Divilly
Irish Student and LFC supporter