Have you ever seen such a gang of blerts? England. Excuse me, In-ger-land. English fans abroad, the lads on tour, St George’s crosses, Brexit, the bulldog spirit, “we’ll fight them on the beaches” and blind ignorance about the country they’re in. Fuckin’ hell.

Before you think it’s Katie Hopkins writing here, I should say that English club football fans are amongst the best in the world. And unlike your rugby union loving uncle who works in insurance, I don’t reckon that modern-day football fans are thugs, or primitive barbarians just going abroad to drink heavily and trash up a city.

But at the risk of painting a few thousand lads with one brush, the England National Team’s away support is having a right and proper go at restoring 1980’s perception levels of English supporters. Recent incidents against Germany and Russia have led to lifetime bans, but the England boys are intent on their mission of becoming banned from every other country in the world, allowing them only one place to stay. A post-Brexit England. Glorious.

Never mind Jesse Lingard’s goal. The Dutch Law Enforcement are the real winners. I’ll be honest, if I was Jan from Antwerp, I couldn’t be less arsed about arresting James from Reading for being drunk and disorderly, as well as just being a general dickhead. Jan doesn’t get paid enough for that bollocks.

Over the last 20 years, English football fans have worked hard to rid the media of their image as “yobs” who cause riots and violence on every corner. However, England’s national representation of fans abroad continues to reverse all the good work done by football fans over the last 2 decades.

This week the F.A. guaranteed English fans’ safety at this year’s World Cup. Yeah lads, all the best with that. I’m sure England and Russia’s supporters will get on like a house on fire. Shortly before setting someone’s house on fire.

For any of you who aren’t familiar with the traditional English national team’s supporter culture, it’s mad. The three big cities in the North, Liverpool, Manchester and Newcastle aren’t really that arsed. Some of them even want England to lose, just for comedic value. The South, for the most part, love it. The anthem, the St George’s crosses and Wembley.

Of course, there’s exceptions on both sides, and it is more of a societal issue. However, when it comes to football, England is effectively two countries, split by two completely different methods of supporting their teams. You’ll never hear that “We’ve got Payet/Alli/Ozil” tune up north, just like you’ll never see fat lads down south with their tops off in mid-winter.

Pundits rant and rave about why England have been pathetic at major tournaments in recent years, pointing to inexperience, the lack of bottle, poor managers and no winter break. But, Harry Kane and Co. could seriously do with not being followed everywhere by those set of lads. If you’re Danny Rose, Marcus Rashford or Jordan Henderson, are you that arsed about giving them something to celebrate? Maybe they don’t want that mad brass band that’s always at Wembley to start up again.

It’ll most likely never happen, but you can’t help but feel that a split to form a Northern England and a Southern England team would be in the best interests of all involved. The FIFA grandparents rule would surely have to be replaced though with whether or not you own a piece of Royal Family memorabilia in your house, with a picture of Prince Harry being an obvious exception.

It goes without saying, some seriously sound and decent people follow England home and away, this is in no way making them guilty by association. It’s just a shame the rest of them ruin it for all involved.

All the best.