Tales Top Tips: How Arsenal can shock the world and why Mourinho won’t sleep between now and Sunday

Tales Top Tips

A smattering of Premier League action and the first proper cup final of the season? Oh, go on then.

Leicester City vs Stoke City

Ah, the Gordon Banks/Peter Shilton Derby. Hang on, didn’t Shilts actually play for Derby as well? Far too confusing for me. Anyway, Leicester will be putting all their eggs in the FA Cup basket now and Stoke City are far from safe from that relegation thing that teams moan about. Has Claude told Riyad that if he keeps playing well he can leave in the summer? Probably. He just didn’t say which summer.

Leicester City 1 – 0 Stoke City

AFC Bournemouth vs Newcastle United

I might be wrong, but didn’t Newcastle actually beat Manchester United in their last outing? As for Bournemouth, you never know what you are going to get. Newcastle don’t do too well when they travel south. Well, more accurately, they don’t do too well most of the time let alone when they travel south. This is the kind of game that Bournemouth will win by three or four or end up losing. There will be no middle ground. So, to protect this fact, I am going 0-0.

AFC Bournemouth 0 – 0 Newcastle United

Brighton & Hove Albion vs Swansea City

I think they call this a relegation six-pointer, don’t they? Thems in the know I mean. Whatever comes of Swansea City at the end of the season, it has been wonderful getting to know Carlos Carvalhal and his slightly mental ways. “He locked his knee, but it is OK. We entered the PIN and now his knee is unlocked,” is just one of the gems that Carlos came out with this week. The only problem is, Carlos, witty puns do not win football matches. Scoring goals does.

Brighton & Hove Albion 0 – 1 Swansea City

Burnley vs Southampton

That Burnley star is not burning as brightly as it was earlier in the season. They’ve got a few injuries at Turf Moor and that never helps. Southampton, well are they in form or out of form? I can never remember, I don’t really pay that much attention to them. Still, Mauricio Pellegrino seems like a nice man and now I have finally learned that it is Pellegrino and not Pellegrini it would be a shame to lose him.

Burnley 1 – 0 Southampton

Liverpool vs West Ham United

Liverpool are flying like birds, meaning that they are probably due to be shot down in some way, shape or form. Can West Ham hold a rifle and take accurate aim? Probably not, they cannot even notify the FA of their whereabouts when it matters. Mind you, Marko Arnautovic does need to put in a top performance against a top club and this could be the time to do it. Liverpool will be fresh following a few days in Marbella and could go second if they win. Will they? You never really know, do you?

Liverpool 3 – 2 West Ham United

West Bromwich Albion vs Huddersfield Town

If Huddersfield Town win this, WBA are done. Absolutely done. And Pardew will be sacked, probably not calling a taxi to leave mind you. “God teaches us to forget” says Pardew. I thought it was “forgive” personally, but who am I to criticise Pards?

West Bromwich Albion 0 – 2 Huddersfield Town

Watford vs Everton

Ah, this could have been Marco Silva’s moment to show Everton what they could have had instead of Sham Allarfarce. That said, I reckon Watford could still pull a number at Vicarage Road. Both teams will end up fading into feet-up, midtable nothing to play for obscurity in the next few weeks and it could even start here.

Watford 0 – 0 Everton

Crystal Palace vs Tottenham Hotspur

Any club that can draw 2-2 with both Juventus and Rochdale in a week is alright by me. Roy Hodgson is also alright by me nowadays and I would actually like to see him get something from this game to aid Palace’s survival. What minute will Dele Alli take his first tumble, do we think? It’s actually a shame Wilfried Zaha is injured as we could have had a superb tumble-off between the two of them.

Crystal Palace 1 – 2 Tottenham Hotspur

Manchester United vs Chelsea

It seems rather foolish to have this match on the same day as the League Cup Final. Tradition is a dirty word in football now. Jose’s Plan A of having Ander Herrera kick Eden Hazard for 90 minutes has gone to pot with the Spaniard picking up an injury in Spain. He might even be forced to play Paul Pogba, meaning the next couple of nights will be sleepless of Mourinho. Chelsea will be buoyed by not losing to Barcelona and there is, of course, the whole beef between Jose and Antonio Conte to look out for as well. Realistically, the drama is more likely to be off the pitch with those two and the Pogba narrative than on the pitch with the players actually involved.

Manchester United 0 – 0 Chelsea

Arsenal vs Manchester City

Woohoo, the Carabao Cup Final. The tournament this year has given us plenty to talk about. Draws being made in the early hours of the morning. Draws being delayed due to technical hitches. Bristol City knocking out United and giving City a run for their money. Arsenal, having lost to a bunch of Swedish part-timers on Thursday night play Manchester City, burned down by Will Grigg on Monday night. Which team do you think has the better mentality to go out and win their next game? You’d think City, wouldn’t you? But wouldn’t it be so Arsenal to actually win this? Sorry Arsenal fans, I am backing your lot.

Arsenal 3 – 2 Manchester City