Premier League

Ok, so January is depositing its usual exotic strains of toxic man flu across the UK which coincides with the transfer window. Or is the transfer window a mere period of ego sustentation or even agent wrangling? Either way, this time of the year brings much excitement along with gallons of gelatinous putrid upper airway muck.

This year is no different other than the action hasn’t really materialised in terms of signings. Thus, the focus of fans and media alike is on the occasional unrealistic/unsubstantiated move, just to keep people awake at work me thinks, or attention is honed on this window’s pillock of the moment.

As I submit this post we have a few takers for this honour starting with Dimitri Payet. Other than the fact he is in breach of his employment contract, what is going on strike actually going to achieve? Let’s not forget only last year he received a ‘loyalty’ bonus of £1M and doubled his wage after signing a 5-year deal. Now some might say that West Ham were mugs for contracting with an ‘emotional’ player and given the alleged business geniuses that West Ham possess on their board, I am also surprised they haven’t devised some brilliant process to make a fortune out of him. At least make him suffer financially in a vitriolic rage fuelled retort at his refusal to play for the club, no?

The primary issue is that most clubs in the EPL see that he is at best a ‘past his peak, luxury player’ who cannot be easily accommodated. Furthermore, he doesn’t have the stomach to play in an average team at a lifeless stadium. So, that also limits his next move. He’d rather return to a poor league in a warmer climate, putting back on the puppy fat he just about lost running from one free kick to another. Let’s see if the Hearn Hex is lifted for a short period when Mrs Brady gets hold of him. Many hope China awaits for the le coq Sportif as both he and his agent are perhaps best suited to a life of money grabbing obscurity far from the EPL. Moreover, when Chelski or United throw speculative bids in, I wonder how adamant he will be for a return to the Cote D’Azur?

I don’t think that many of us really begrudge the wealth created by the modern player we just want to see a degree of loyalty or perhaps, more importantly, some intent to deliver on the contract you’ve penned.

Another contender is Mr Wenger. Dear Arsene, please can you answer the following questions honestly?

What is the point of marginalising your best player Alexis, which for all intents and purpose will likely result in his departure to a rival or only slightly less worse, demotivate him for the rest of the season before he heads ever closer towards a free or greatly reduced departure fee? Why are you being held to ransom by an average flat track bully in one Mezut Ozil? Why are you looking at Morata when he is no better that Giroud? Doesn’t signing Morata move Alexis out of his favoured and most impactful position? Do you realise keeping Alexis up front is your best chance of winning the EPL this season? Are you £2M large on the world’s longest Arsenal won’t win the league acca?

Finally, and I hope onto better things we have the small matter of Jose-Klopp II this weekend. It should be a better game unless Jose parks the bus, which he might do. Not losing face for Jose is more important than beating Liverpool. If he actually tries to play he could be sliced into little pieces as Liverpool undoubtedly play better on the counter. I feel Lallana et al will pursue Carrick with gusto and this could also lead to midfield mayhem and more cards than an oligarch’s mistress.